times they are a changin

mommy + daughter = BFF's

2008-11-17T11:06:00.002-07:00

i have the best mom in the entire world. she is so wonderful and i love her so much. she came to visit me this weekend and we had the most fun ever. we stayed at a hotel and got rocky mountain hot stone massages and pedicures. we shopped, had room service, and watched gilmore girls. and we also watched the cu boulder football players that were staying at our hotel. but still it was like the best weekend ever. i miss my mommy very much now. cant wait till christmas!

11/11/11

2008-11-11T22:57:00.002-07:00

three years today is supposed to be my potential wedding date. ever since i was young i always wished on the clock at 11:11 and since those days 11/11/11 has always been the planned day of my wedding. back then this year was like ten years away so it seemed like a lifetime but now looking at the date and seeing that it is three years away im not so sure that this will be the planned date anymore... sorry for those of you who had your save the date cards. i mean you can keep hoping but i feel the chances are going to be very slim. sorry..

as for the current life i made it back from vegas. i had the best time ever. i got to hang out with aarons mom and sister and we had so much fun together. we got to watch anne of green gables and anne of avonlea which were both amazing. we also ate lots of food so for the next two weeks (or until i am back there again for thanksgiving) i have moderated my food portions to be a much smaller amount.

my body is still in quite a bit of pain from my accident. my hand is more bruised and swollen since it happened and my body still continues to ache. i cant write for because the brace my hand is in prevents it so i have been typing every single class assignment. i am also on muscle relaxants. at first these made me a little loopy and very relaxed but i think my body has started to adjust to them so i am a little more calm when under the influence.

i also got into the university of colorado at boulder which i am very excited about. my only worry besides packing up and moving to a whole new town meeting new people and starting college all over again is the liberal-ness. the few majors that i am interested in taking from there will all be taught very biased-ly which i am not too comfortable with so i am thinking that maybe i should chose a major which could not be too biased like communication or art history, haha, but this is not what im really interested in. actually boulder doesnt even have my major or global studies, but for the time being i will survive. ok my hand is super sore from typing so im going to goooo.

happy 11/11 and sorry about the future wedding plans!

gonna sell my car and go to vegas

2008-11-07T09:11:00.003-07:00

i made it to las vegas and i just had the most wonderful night of sleep. currently i am laying in aarons sisters bed who is away at college, and it is excellent. the eleven hour drive yesterday was long but surprisingly not too uncomfortable. my new muscle relaxing medicine made me sleep most of the way (even with my mouth open and drooling at times) but it helped. i also wore a heating pad that strapped around my lower back which made me feel like i was wearing body shapers and trying to control my chub. we stopped at cracker barrel in st. george where we got a huge and delicious meal of biscuits, gravy, jam, eggs, bacon, and grits for only 13 dollars. it was a winner. we got to his home about an hour or so later. his mom and dad welcomed us. we all talked for a while which was so nice and no where near as awkward as last time. this morning aaron came in and said goodbye at like 650 because he was leaving for his class. that is actually the reason why we are here. he is taking a three day AMGA (american mountain guide association) course on single pitch rock climbing. he has class from 8-5 for the next three days so i am going to be enjoying some lovely time with his family.. his mom has planned for us to watch anne of green gables and avonlea (i dont even know how to spell that one). and sunday is aarons birthday so a bunch of his extended family is going to come for dinner. i dont know what i got myself into! but as for now things are good.

and if obama is elected you will support palin for vp

2008-11-04T17:05:00.002-07:00

most of you im sure have already heard about my accident so maybe i will write about it later since i only have the typing use of my left hand currently. so i just wanted to post one last thing about the election.

obama supporters really for mccain

anger

2008-10-30T10:43:00.002-06:00

im just going to vent.

scenario: me in bed taking a nap because i got 5 hours of sleep last night

lynsey walks in "hey can i open the blinds to let some light in here?

me: uhhh sure

i fall asleep and have been sleeping for about half an hour

she comes in and leaves our door open to our bedroom where everyone else is out and around our apartment being loud. she sits in bed, opens her computer, turns on the music pretty loud.

i wake up from this, and try and doze back off which i do.

lynsey's friend karen comes in "ohh hey lynsey how are you" clearly i am asleep in my bed they sit down and have a conversation.

karen asks about lynseys paper and lynsey says ohh we can talk later. then a few minutes later she is like ohh well we can just talk about it now.

i lay there for a minute, and ten cant stand it anymore.

i get out of bed grab my computer.

lynsey: "ohh sorry we woke you up" karen "ohh yeah sorry" i walk out

lynsey: "ohh do you think you could shut the door behind you.

i slam it. righteously pissed.

this is not the first time it has happened, this is about the tenth or eleventh, always when im napping or going to sleep. but usually it involves her turning on a light, turning on her music, and having friends over in our tiny bedroom while im sleeping. FREAKING GO IN THE LIVING ROOM. its huge, spacious, be as loud as you want for all i care. leave me alone!

i know i should have probably confronted her the first time. you think shed get the point after i wake up and storm out of our room frustrated ten different times. i just dont care anymore. just a month and then some. i have to survive.

to sit by the hottie or to not sit by the hottie

2008-10-24T17:19:00.002-06:00

im in arizona now and it is hot hot hot. the plane ride here was good but i had an interesting thought. it was one of those planes where you get to chose where you sit in order of boarding by letter group. i walked on the plane and most seats full except middle seats. now here is the strangest process. you walk down the aisle evaluating each person you see to decide if they are worthy of sitting next to. are they old and smelly? do they have a crying child? are they a bit overweight? are they middle aged and talkative? are they young and attractive perhaps? and if you think hes attractive does he think that you are attractive? would that just be awkward the whole plane ride. hmmmm and even though you are evaluating people they are evaluating you right back. even as i sat i watched each person hoping that certain people didnt sit next to me.

in the end i sat between an older woman and a sorority girl. it was a silent flight but it went by rather quickly.

The Cup

2008-10-19T16:16:00.003-06:00

Im sitting in the only open seat I could find in a crowed coffee shop on Pearl Street in Boulder. The "paradoxical mix of left-leaning politcally-correct environmentalism and yuppiedom" how much do you love that last word? Its the only place I could find with wireless internet so I compromised. Apparently I picked a bad seat. The entire time I have been sitting here I have been dive bombed by dangerous flies. There are about 6 of them that are flying around in circles around this little area and the girl across from me and the man beside me and I have been desperately trying to swat them away. So far, no use. I came here to study for midterms and instead I am being attacked by flies.

But other than that the day has been good. I love having my alone days. I got home this morning and packed up my stuff that I would need to study for the day. I drove over to boulder and went to the campus. I sat in the shade beneath a beautiful big tree but it was windy and millions of leaves kept falling on me so I decided to head for the library. Here I felt like a real student studying at a table, even though I had such a problem trying to find the entrance. But once there I accomplished a lot. Is it strange to go study and hang out by yourself at a university that you dont even go to? Gosh Im such a poser. After that I came over to the cafe where I have been since and am enjoying studying at my leisure. Just because im lacking friends right now doesnt mean its bad to hang out by myself. Im making the most of it. I just wish these flies would go away.

what sound does an elk make?

2008-10-18T10:47:00.003-06:00

Yesterday Aaron and I drove up to Longs Peak and Estes Park. They are about an hour north but yesterday was the perfect day for it. The weather warmed up a little and it was a blue sky. We drove up the mountain to the Longs Peak trail head and walked around that area for a bit. It was so full of trees and a beautiful view. From there we drove down a little to get a better view of Longs Peak and the "Diamond" Face as they call it.

After this we drove on to the little mountain town of Estes Park. A complete tourist community but it is still pretty and kind of like downtown Anchorage, lots of t-shirt stores. We wanted to find a local spot to eat. So where else would the locals go in this tiny town. Well McDonalds of course. While leaving here this family came out and started pointing at my license plate and yelling and talking. They looked as if they wanted to ask me questions so we drove away as fast as possible. Why is Alaska still so mysterious to people? We are not a foreign country okay....

So from here we drove a bit and then saw a group of people gathered watching a huge herd of Elk on the golf course. We parked and joined them. Elk make the strangest sound. It sounds like either a bird, a dying cow, or a screaming child. We walked along a pretty trail covered in leaves and then by the reservoir with the bluest water ive seen in a while. On our way back to the car we stopped to watch the elk one more time. Here we learned that it was mating season... The one head hancho elk would spot a fine lady, keep her in sight, slowly sneak along behind her, and then try and mount her before she had time to get away. A few of them bolted but we did have the chance to watch him find his match. I was grossed out as were some of the families around me, so we left and laughed about it all the way back to the car.

So what sound does an ELK really make?

ohh and one more thing

2008-10-17T00:56:00.004-06:00

just because i thoroughly enjoy SNL Weekend Updates pre-election

check it out

Blog Makeover

2008-10-17T00:41:00.008-06:00

Round three, lets see if I can keep it up this time. I added some different colors so I figured it might help me stay a little bit more interested. So on a blog I suppose I'm allowed to say what I want and comment on what I want and analyze what I want how I want. Well here is an article that I read from the Anchorage Daily News about the target that just opened which I found extremely disturbing and Im sure any of you who live in a state that have target will agree with me that it is slightly disturbing. Im starting to worry about the fate of my fellow alaskans.

Long wait is over for Alaska Target shoppers

After trial opening for VIPs, two stores open today

By JULIA O'MALLEY
jomalley@adn.com

Published: October 7th, 2008 10:39 PM
Last Modified: October 7th, 2008 03:12 PM

What is it about Target, that everyday Outside shopping fixture, with its acres of parking, wide aisles and discount swank, that makes Anchorage people freak out?
Is it the knock-off snakeskin handbags? The Chihuahua-sized Halloween costumes? The mod bottles of environmentally friendly, lavender-scented toilet scrub?

There were no real answers Tuesday night as the first batch of VIP shoppers flooded into the chain's new east-side store, only awe. For the first few minutes most people -- they were a group made up of specially invited community members and relatives of employees -- pushed their apple-red carts empty as Alaska band Pamyua played tribal funk from a spot cleared out near kidswear.

"It was like they were giving it away for free, how excited I was," said Deirdre Cronin, running her hand down the soft cotton of a little girl's shirt. At first she couldn't decide what to buy, there was just too much to take in.

"But I'm over that," she said, gesturing to a blouse and pair of jeans in her cart.

Before 6, as a giant Target-red hot-air balloon inflated in the parking lot, the much anticipated retailer cracked opened its doors to an eager, shivering crowd. The store and its Wasilla counterpart officially opens this morning at 8. Long lines and crowds are expected.
Before the shoppers came inside the perfectly organized, untouched Anchorage store Tuesday night, the "team members," as salespeople are called, did a few warm-up cheers in their red shirts embroidered with Alaska flags and Target bull's-eye logos. A manager yelled, "You want to ask them what?"

In unison, they called back: "Can I help you find something?"

The store is 172,000 square feet (about four acres), parked on what was once woods off the Glenn Highway near Bartlett High School. Between 350 and 400 employees have been hired to work there.

Tuesday's shoppers strolled by little tables stocked with appetizers -- meatballs near the shoes, tiny desserts by the detergent aisle, "Targetinis" (a mix of sparkling cider and pomegranate syrup) by baby accessories. Each would leave with a swag bag decorated with Target-logo salmon and containing a stuffed Target dog wearing a kuspuk. At one point, someone in the band started singing "We be shoppin', we be shoppin,' " to the tune of Bob Marley's "Jammin."

Is it risky to open a new store just as the national economy is sinking, when consumer confidence is down and people seem to be shopping less and saving their cash? No, said Brie Heath, a public relations person in from Minnesota, who surveyed the sea of customers. The store has low prices, making it attractive to shoppers when budgets are tight. Their stylishness helps them draw customers over the competition, she said.

Linda Thompson walked with purpose to frozen foods. She was in the market for beef enchiladas, she said. And kale in a can. You can't get that anywhere.

"We've been waiting forever," she said.

Debbie Boland, a little breathless, stood at the head of a line for a Nintendo Wii, holding a slick "Wii Fit" used for workout video games. It was the newness that people wanted; they wanted different things to buy, she explained.

There was something validating about having another major chain store, many shoppers said. As if a Target made Alaska less remote somehow. As if being able to buy what people Outside could buy shortened the distance between here and there. As if, somehow, access to stylish discount housewares meant the city had arrived.

"It's huge for Alaska," Boland said, just as another shopper, sipping a Targetini, rolled by.

Target has VIP's now? "We be shoppin" Targetini? Come on....

Beautiful View!

2008-08-25T19:30:00.000-06:00

Today was my first day of school. I moved into my new apartment on thursday (YES I am no longer homeless!) I am living on campus with some girls I lived near last year. They are all very sweet, very caucasian, and very blonde, so as for now i fit in. there are six of us living here in this little three bedroom, two bathroom apartment, with a large combined living room, kitchen, and patio. But by far we have the best view on campus. This comes from being on the third floor, which moving in was the biggest leg work out of my life, but i think it will help to keep me in shape this year. i am in the small back bedroom, which may sound miserable, but it is the one with the best view. Right now I just woke up and was able to watch the sun set beautifully behind the mountains. I can see over the foothills and even on to some of the snowy peaks. Its great. I live with a girl named lynsey. Initially I was worried about rooming with her, but so far things have been going well. I had four classes today which all went well. Most of my classes are global studies and history. They seem kind of difficult, but ill hope for the best. most of all i am looking forward to my french class. yay. tomorrow i just have one which will be nice. So as for now i have a mandatory floor meeting. now ill get a chance to meet everyone i live around. so hopefully that will be good. more updates later. love love

TOO MUCH

2008-08-22T23:49:00.000-06:00

so long without writing, so much to say, so much has happened, so much alaska, so much sun burn, so much tom petty, so many people at school. i dont want to write about it all now. school starts monday. thats all for now. love love

homeless

2008-08-06T12:02:00.000-06:00

the last few days have been quite the experience. i moved out of my campus apartment on monday and have been couch hopping for the last two nights. i put most of my stuff in storage and have only what i need, some clothes, two books, and some bathroom stuff, in the back of my car. all of my housing stuff for the fall, all of my options, have fallen through, leaving me homeless the last few nights, and also when i return in the fall unless i work something out asap. nothing seems to be working in my favor though. one night i was able to stay in my friend shannas guest bedroom. that was nice, they served me dinner and were very hospitable. in return i clean more than i left, leave a nice note, and maybe even some flowers, then disappearing before they arrive home from work. it happened today again when i stayed on my friend nicoles futon. they were very nice and even let me go out and use the apartment complex pool. it was very refreshing. the next morning i cleaned and left before they came home. during the day well yesterday i went to school and used the computers in the student union so that i could play spider solitaire. and today i am at the press because they have free wireless which i have not had access to because in the homes i stayed at they didnt have it. so now im just relaxing eating my blueberry bagel and drinking my large iced soy yerba mate and writing about my boring life of couch surfing. one thing im really interested in trying out, just for one night, is the Boulder International Hostel (http://www.boulderhostel.com) ive never stayed in a hostel but after reading about it, it sounds great and a fun community for a night or two. the only thing is that you must be an out of colorado resident which works perfect for me. maybe someday when i have someone who will go with me i will stay there for a night and make up an amazing story of my travels. but as for now im in the coffee shop for the next few hours until aaron will take me to the airport to fly home where i will be homeless no longer!!!!!!!!!!!!

being grown up is hard

2008-07-24T15:20:00.001-06:00

living in colorado this summer on my own while not going to school has been difficult yet eye opening. ive learned a lot about living, working, going about ways to find money when you seem to have none, and ive also learned how to cook (i know, cooking is a pretty big deal). i feel that ive come a long way and its forced me to grow up in some ways a little faster.

now with the fall semester just around the corner and trying to decide what to do or where to go with my life, ive learned to make decisions, which is something that im not very good at doing. im working on becoming a part time student, enrolling in the community college as well as ccu, and then trying to decide if i will fully transfer in the spring. along with this change it has brought about the opportunity to live off campus and not have a meal plan which will save me (and by me i mean parents) somewhere around 6,000 dollars im thinking. let me tell you, trying to find an apartment is tricky. im sure most of you know this because you are all older than me, but still. my main goal is to find a place with someone i already know, so we will see if that option goes through or not. as a part time student i can still live on campus and just pay rent month to month, but im not to anxious about staying on campus.

in the fall i hope to learn more about money (and by learn i mean make) and budget more, and be able to spend more of my own money than my parents. i also plan to ride a bike a little bit more than drive until the wretched gas prices go down. so growing up isnt all that enjoyable, but at least im still having fun down here. i guess thats what really matters. i will be home in 13 days and counting.

a sun came

2008-07-16T20:02:00.000-06:00

my life is a jumble. i cant wait to come home. only two and a half weeks of work left and then ill be back in the great state i call home. hopefully this trip will be filled with some trail running, nice bike rides, rock climbing, and hopefully a camping trip. after being there a week i will leave with laura and her family for washington where we will see tom petty in concert. yay. then hopefully we will go on a short back packing trip. yay. then a few days later we will see jack johnson in concert. yay. from there i will return back to colorado just a few days before school starts. here is where it becomes messy.

i think i will only be a part time student at ccu and take other classes at red rocks community college. all of this is for the purpose of getting into my dream school in boulder. by being a part time student that gives me the opportunity to live off campus which would save me about a thousand dollars not to mention the fifteen hundred that would normally be spent on a ridiculous meal plan. so it would be the most amazing thing if i could find some girls to share a place with off campus. i can only hope. but as for now i have a lot to do to get this all in place. tomorrow i will go to red rocks and talk with an adviser, then i need to talk with my ccu adviser, and then i also emailed a cu adviser for alaska and hopefully i will meet with her soon. so thats my life for now. hopefully everything will get done soon. thats about it.

aching back and apple cinnamon cheerios

2008-07-11T09:04:00.000-06:00

After a fun long weekend with family in colordao and a road trip to utah, i have finally made it to las vegas.

It was nice to have my family visit me in colorado. We spent a few nice days together; we explored golden, bolder, and celebrated the fourth of july with an excellent dinner. we got to do just about everything on my list so i was excited with how that time went.

Then my mom, aaron, and i left to drive to salt lake city. We decided about half an hour before we left for aaron to come along but now i am very glad that he did. We drove 8 hours until we finally arrived in salt lake around 10 at night. The next few days were fun seeing all of my wonderful family. The highlights of the trip: rock climbing in Big Cottonwood Canyon, "The Junkyard", and the Salt Lake. Rock climbing was exciting and fun, my first utah climb on a slick, smooth, flat piece of granite crack. It was exciting. The Junkyard was ridiculous. As you can assume it was my mom who really wanted to go but we had fun. It would have been better if it hadnt been 90 degree sun beating down on us. There were literally 60 acres of metal junk. We decided it looked like the end of the world as we were the only ones wandering through this desolate place. As for the Salt Lake, Aaron and I drove out to Antelope Island which is in the middle of the lake. We thought it would be exciting but it was just nasty. There were enormous yellow spiders, miles of foot deep hot sand, crusty salty sand, and once we finally reached the water we were attacked by millions of tiny gnats, which gave us just enough time to snap a picture and race back to the car to get off the island as fast as possible. it was something that everyone needs to experience, but once and only one.

Mom decided to fly back to alaska from salt lake, aaron and i dont have to work for a few more days so we extended our trip and drove to vegas to visit his family. It was about a 5-6 hour drive and when we got here it was 112 degrees. I dont know how i will survive this weekend but lets hope I will. His family is nice but im nervous so you know how it is. We are just hanging out here, no major plans and we will just see how it goes. thats all for now.

the most epic night of summer

2008-07-01T16:28:00.000-06:00

It all started when Aaron and I got some matte and decided to go for a drive. I didnt know wher we were headed because I just told him that I wanted to go somewhere pretty. I didnt know the adventure that I was in for.

We drove I-70 West To Everwood (Evergreen?) Here we exited and stated the 36 mile drive up to Echo Lake. We got there early evening and it was so beautiful. It looked exactly like home in Alaska. The lake was glistening and cool and the trees were a shade of beautiful dark green. There were a few people fishing so we decided to get out and walk around the lake. We stepped out of the car and the temperature was at least 20 degrees colder and my original 85 degreen outfit was not suiting the 65 degrees. But the day was beautiful in itself. We walked through the trees and over roots on a worn dirt path. The sun shone down and it was a perfect moment. We made out way around the lake and back to the car.

We drove a little ways to the lodge and got some food before we started our drive up Mt. Evans. We paid ten dollars for our pass and stated the gentle mountain drive. This is the only fourteener in colorado that you can drive to the top of and is also the highest road in north america. The drive had a lot of trees and until we passed the treeline and then there was just dry green grass mixed with rock. On the way up Aaron killed a ground squirrel. My heart broke and I wanted to cry. There it was just sitting all perky in the middle of the road having a pleasant look around. I saw him and just thought to myself how cute he was. Next thing I know it was smashed and flattened beneath the tires of his enormous ford expedition. RIP ground squirrel.

We stopped when we came to a little pull off about half way up. There was another lake and we saw the perfect big wall off in the distance. We got out of the car and walked to the edge to check it out. It was beautiful. The rock around us just looked to solid and pure. We didnt stay long at this point because a fierce thunder storm was rolling in. The sky grew very dark and before even getting back into the car we saw some huge bolts off behind the big wall and listened to the thunder echo among the alpine walls. We raced back to the car and continued our drive up--just getting closer and closer to the angry clouds.

The bolts looked bigger and the thunder sounded closer. My stomach started to become anxious, nervous, and sick. Partly due to the altitude, and partly due to the storm. The view from the drive was indescribable. We have no pictures because we always seem to forget our camera at the most important times. We made it to the summit and parked. There was a shaggy haired mountain goat that looked like it belonged somewhere foreign in the Himalayas but not in the middle of the Rocky Mountains. There were also a couple stone buildings which looked pretty neat. As we stepped out of the car to get a better look with the storm growing to be right over us, these three old men sitting in the truck next to us rolled down there windows and yelled out, "You should probably get back in your car. We have an electrical engineer in the car and he said that our car antenna is ringing and so that is not a good sign." In my mind all I heard was "you are going to get struck by lightening and die so get back in the car ASAP." So we (and by we I mean I) rushed back into the car and shut and locked the door. We sat there for a while watching the enormous lightening storm that was going on directly in front of us and feeling the thunder shake our car. We moved to another spot for a better view just a little ways up the road. The lightening just seemed to grow bigger and closer. It was hitting the ridge directly across from us at our level. One time after it struck I saw a huge red flash at the contact spot and it was incredible.

The storm started to calm down so we pulled out our backgammon board, which was our original purpose of the "short" drive in the first place. We played a quick game just to say that we have played backgammon at 14,000 feet and then started the drive back down the mountain which was just as beautiful as the way up. I didnt enjoy it as much though mainly because I had to pee so badly. The drive was so amazing. We had the perfect music of new coldplay and some sigur ros. It was seriously in the top 5 best drives of my entire life and one of the most epic night of summer hands down.

my new friend

2008-06-26T20:41:00.001-06:00

gobbledigook

2008-06-26T17:33:00.001-06:00

I think I have not spent quite as much time blogging because the writing in Romania just about wore me out. But with the special request of my family I would love to fill you all in on my life.

So far since I have been home I have just spent most of my time working and not doing much of anything. The first two weeks back I was working 35-40 hour weeks when normally I should have only been working 20 but my boss wanted to "catch me up" so thankfully I am back to my expected 20 hour weeks which is much more relaxing. I also am picking up a second job babysitting a little 6 year old boy named Cap. I got this job from a girl I work with who doesnt have time to work with them anymore. I havent started working yet but I met with the mom and the boy and he is very fun with a huge imagination. I cant wait. This week at work has been busy. I have finally started to figure out what my position is. "Customer Care" --i take care of the people who use our campus for the summer. I help them with their odds and ends. So it hasnt been so bad. But it has definitely been a huge learning experience with the boss I am under....

One recent problem we have had on campus.. Well there are about 12 of us who work for summer conferencing. We live in three apartments on a bottom floor right next to each other. There are two rooms of girls and one room of guys. So one day my friend Adam woke up with about thirty bug bites on his back and legs. Then the next day our friend Tyler woke up with some bites. Adam was lucky enough to grab his camera and snatch a picture of this little creature that turned out to be a...BED BUG. dun dun dun. Im convinced that Adam brought them back from India where he has just been on a trip for the past month. The boys had to move everything out of their rooms and do laundry for every piece of clothing they own. People came and cleaned out the rooms and did inspections and such before the boys could move back in. In the meantime, at our weekly meeting we got to watch an informational video about bed bugs that they would normally show to hotel housekeepers. So we learned that you can spot bed bugs because they hide and dark places on the bed and they can also leave blood stains on the mattress, which lead to the best line in the movie, "Check the mattress for blood stains, but note, this is not always due to bed bugs." That was really the best part... But now the situation is taken care of. The mattresses were thrown away and hopefully things are good.

What else has been going on in my life. I got a library card yesterday! I was pretty excited by that. It makes me feel pretty mature and on my own. There has also been lots of thunder and lightening, which if you dont know, is one of the worst things in the world to me and my biggest fear. I dont know if this is because I grew up without it, but everytime it rolls around (which is quite frequently in colorado) I get very anxious. My breathing gets tense and my heart feels abnormal. So the last few afternoons have been rather rough on me. I have been doing a fair share of rock climbing. I am getting better I know because I have been trying harder routes and really pushing myself. Im tired of being stuck on the same level. So that has been nice. I have also been trying to do a lot of reading in my free time. I dont really have many friends here. I have kaylan and breezy but they are pretty busy with their own lives. So then there is some of the people I live with who are nice but I dont see too often because we have different schedules. So you know how it goes. Therefore, I am having fun with some reading. This afternoon I laid In the grass and read a book in the sun. I just finished. It was called Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis and I liked it a lot. I dont know whats next on my list. Im thinking Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers, Ive heard some good things so Im rather excited. They clouds are rolling in and the thunder is in the distance so I should probably get off the grass and back inside where it is safe.

xoxoxo

summer

2008-06-11T17:46:00.000-06:00

i made it home alive. it was a long trip (a day and a half i think) with lots of delays but we finally made it to denver. the last few days have been crazy. ive been jet lagged, so im only sleeping 4-5 hours a night, and i am also having stomach problems. I cant eat anything without getting a sharp pain. today i went to the doctor and they gave me some medication and so hopefully that will start to cure me and i can eat again soon. i am craving certain foods so badly.

i started working yesterday also for summer conferencing. it has been, lets see, thrilling........ i sit, yesterday i played cards and dominoes, and that was pretty exciting. i guess some days are more busy than others, but it varies. thats about it for now. i really want to eat and thats all i can say.

last night in bucuresti

2008-06-06T12:32:00.000-06:00

after a long month this is it. my last day spent with the staff and in the orphanages. i wrote my letters, gave my devotion, and said my goodbyes. leaving one orphanage was so hard because there was a girl there who i became close with who just clung to me and would not let me go. she gave me a handkerchief we had made together so that i would "never forget her" she looked like she was about to cry and she kept asking for just one more hug and one more kiss over and over. i knew i had to be strong and not cry so that she wouldnt. i left her with one kiss and shut the gate behind me. she watched me walk away....

we had out final debriefing with some of the psychologists here. weve have been through a lot and have seen a lot and it can be a dramatic thing. i am fearful of going home and what it will be like. what my life will be like. how i will view things differently. they told us that when we go home we will want to judge the people around us on things we never observed before. we cant do that though. im so fearful of my mental state when returning home. i cant even imagine what it will be like after only a month in this foreign land.

saying goodbye to the staff was so hard. usually they never get attached to teams because people usually only come for a week. we are the longest group they have had stay. so saying goodbye today was not only hard for us but for them as well. a few of them stayed till late tonight just helping us clean and hanging out. saying bye they cried and we cried. i am going to be a deep emotional mess for the next twenty four hours of flying not counting how crazy my life will be for at least the next week. i really feel that i will just want to lock myself in my room and not talk to anyone and not come out and face reality again.

god has used me here. he has used all of us. i have seen images that will forever be burned into my mind and i have heard stories that have already changed my life. i havent yet begun to process any of these thoughts or else i would have been home a long time ago. people say that you wait till you go home to process everything and thats when it will be the hardest.

the images i have seen. the painful crying faces. the sounds of children screaming and the sounds of children laughing. the smell of the orphanage and the kids. the touch of them as they run and jump into their arms. the one little boy begging you to stay and kick the soccer ball with him just one time. these images will never leave me. never.

nuapte buna

multumesc

2008-06-03T04:14:00.000-06:00

I will be home in four days. And to close out my fourth to last day here I am sitting at home inside on this beautiful bucharest day sick. just a cold. my throat is swollen and my head hurts and my ears and i have a runny nose. a lot of people here have it so its no surprise i do too. i tried to push it the last few days and go out anyway but this morning i was dying and decided to stay home in bed. and this is a hard thing to do here since there is one person in the house, i have a book, and pen and paper. so ive just been trying to sleep the day away.

mama maria is taking care of me. the most precious woman in the world who doesnt speak a lick of english. she didnt even know i was home till i went down to get some lunch. she grabbed pretty much any left overs we had and more and placed them in front of me and then just started making tea and going off in romanian though i never have any idea what shes saying. so she made me some lunch and some lemon and fruit tea. then she wouldnt let me go back to bed without giving me a back rub first so i sat down and she rubbed my back which was amazing. she had me rub something on my neck and then sent me off to bed. this was the most at home i could possibly feel while sick and it was amazing.

The last few days were difficult besides being sick. i found out something about romanian orphanages which is probably true for all orphanage across the world. i dont want to discuss it on here because it just isnt appropriate and i would probably burst into tears again. so when i get home well talk.

i will be back saturday night at ten. im looking forward to it though i am in no way ready to leave here yet. im going to go and try to nap for another five hours until everyone finally gets home....

the last few days.

2008-05-29T09:02:00.000-06:00

hello friends and family,
i have healed from my sickness and am alive and well. ive been too busy to write the last few days but i am doing good. i rested and took medicine and started feeling better a few days later. i think a lot of it had to do with dehydration even though i have been drinking so much water the humidity just sucks it right out of me.

the last few days have been good to me. so much has happened that i cant even remember or know where to start. tuesday maybe? that morning we went back to marion pazon (the rehab orphanage) that i had such a hard time at the first time. this experience was much calmer. there were more staff and fewer kids and the kids were also much more relaxed. i spent time walking around with this girl who just wanted to hold my hand and walk. she had her hands tied back because i guess she would try and hurt herself or pull out her hair so that was kind of sad to see but we had fun together. in the afternoon we went to Sfant Ana, where we hung out with about 10 boys ages 10-15. we had a lots of fun with them. they were pretty well behaved and for the most part acted the same as other teenage boys in america. i played soccer with this one boy daniel and we had so much fun together. a few other boys joined us and it was still good. the hardest part about this time was that they were trying really hard to communicate with me and i couldnt respond. the language barrier hasnt been a huge problem since ive been here but that afternoon was hard. it was nice though because josh hung around and helped translate with us and also helped me to work on my romanian. ill have to tell you later what these boys were saying....

the next day was deadly. a hundred degrees and humid i couldnt handle this. i prepared for the day knowing that i would get sweaty and wet and disgusting so that made it a little easier. the morning was pretty relaxed and we hung out with some kids from sfant ana just inside working on crafts. in the afternoon we went the chatila (the girls orphanage) where we played water games and jumped on the trampoline. we got yelled at in romanian by some of the orphanage staff because the kids were wet and making a mess. shanna replied with "nu vorbesc romaneti" (i dont speak romanian) which only made them even more upset. but we still had fun. this little girl Florica, who is one of the most precious children i have worked with this trip, was there. she is very shy and during the water activities she was scared of everyone so she kept hiding behind me and running all around me just trying to get me to hold and protect her, it was so cute. after this we all went inside and listened to them practice a song they are working on for a project, and then we proceeded to have an all girl dance party to romanian techno whatever you call it, which was the best time EVER. you do know how i love dance parties....

That evening, Kristina, an intern from CTL from wisconsin, took us shopping at a little boutique. when we left it started to rain and storm. the funny thing about romanians is that they would rather wait inside all day then go outside and get a spot of rain on them. as americans, we sprinted down the sidewalk and tried to get to the metro as fast as possible. we stopped under a short ledge for a break when it started to hale inch sized ice balls that were so funny. they started to set off all of the car alarms and as painful as they were all we could do was laugh. it let up and we continued running the rest of the way. we got back to her apartment and she let us relax, watch some tv (in english) and she made us crepes and french fries from scratch which were one of the best things i have ever eaten! it was getting late so we headed home. we walked and made it on the metro and back at night all by ourselves.

today we went to orphanage #5 (a disabilities orphanage) where we held a mini carnival for them. June 1st is The Day of the Child so we helped them celebrate it a little early since some huge elections are being held on June 1st this year. We brought over a trampoline, face paint, cotton candy, and balloons. all of the staff members were there and we had a lot of fun. the kids were a little wild but that was expected. with some of their disabilities a few would often break out into song and i cant tell you how many times i heard the song jingle bells being sung. it was amazing.

we got the rest of the afternoon off which was a nice break. i wrote in my journal and then took a nice long nap. everyone else is still asleep and i think we slept through dinner. time for some cereal- which is what im known for around here. my enjoyment of romanian cereal.

sickness

2008-05-26T12:34:00.000-06:00

Alas, I am sick. I knew it would come eventually. But yes it came. We already went through Jamie being sick and then Shanna and now it is my turn. It is a tummy thing and all I wanted to do was throw up all afternoon and all evening. I started to feel it when we got on the metro where it was hot and I felt so dehydrated and I just started to cry. I made it back to the house and just sat in the bathroom. Finally, I got myself up and rinsed myself off with cool water which made me feel a little better but after that I just laid in bed all night wanting to throw up or die. We are pretty sure it is from the water or something that we ate that had used the water. No good but Im sure that I will get over it in a few days. I might stay home tomorrow morning if Im still not doing well but i really hope that things will change...

sinai

2008-05-24T12:17:00.000-06:00

Today we went to Sinai. We woke up early and left for the train station. We hopped on and headed for our hour and a half ride to the town. I have forgotten how much I loved trains. I really only remember that one time that my brother and I rode from Virginia to Pennsylvania on the train and it was so great. This was kind of like that. It was rainy outside so since it was so early I just put on my head phones and listened to death cab and watched the rainfall as i slowly dozed off.

The sad part of the train ride is that there was a mentally disabled guy on the train who was being kind of annoying but not really disturbing anyone. There was a British man on the train who was really bothered by him even though they were no where near each other. I guess the mental guy walked by him and he got up and yelled at him to sit down in his seat. He grabbed him and kind of pushed him and he fell to the ground. The guy just started crying and the British guy just went off cussing. Some women got really upset and started yelling at the British guy and a nun and one of our girls Shanna helped the other guy. The situation was so random and really kind of disturbing.

Besides this, the train ride was beautiful. The countryside was amazing all lush and green and pretty. Heading towards the alps looked a lot like driving west towards the rocky mountains. But these mountains looked much different. First of all these ones were much smaller and second they were much more green and less rocky.

When we got there we started on our way towards the castle we were planning to visit. The path was all cobblestone and kind of torn apart and just looked old, rugged, and mystical. We arrived at the castle and it was beautiful. The architecture was amazing and there were so many intricate designs. We went a supposedly "english" tour but i really couldnt understand a word that the tour guide said. But that didnt matter because just looking at everything was so beautiful.

After this we did some some shopping. The best part of this was the lace. There was so much of it and it was so inexpensive. The designs were all unique and so beautiful. Another cool thing we saw there was the boomerang like object. It was really like two popsicle sticks together forming and X with a rubber band. You threw it and it made a 90 degree turn and then another until it formed a perfect square and came back to you. I didnt buy one, but it really was amazing.

After this we walked down and got something to eat and then had some coffee. We were supposed to spend the rest of the afternoon on a gondola that went to the top of the mountain but it was raining so hard that they closed it. I was looking forward to that a lot but i will survive. After this we caught our five o clock train and headed back.

The day was not all that i expected but it was still a lot of fun. Sinai was beautiful and reminded me somewhat of a little mountain town in colorado or even like a combination town of girdwood and seward in alaska. it was mystical. so that was the trip. and thats all i got.

Friday Night in Bucuresti

2008-05-23T09:44:00.000-06:00

Friday night and theres really nothing to do. We cant speak the language, we dont have transportation, we have no tv, radio, or any other form of entertainment, so currently we are building and Aladdin puzzle.

The last few days have been pretty good. They were pretty routine. Just going to different orphanages. The best part is that the kids now remember us and we are starting to get to know them better and im really enjoying that.

Sad story of the day. I was at one of the orphanages and there was just this little boy who would cry if you didnt hold him. They said that he had a very sad story. He was only about 3 years old and they said he had been kept in a cage his whole life. When they found him and got him out he was barking like a dog and couldnt speak. This story broke my heart. I held him the entire time. We brought a trampoline and all of the kids loved it but since he wouldnt leave my arms I got on the trampoline and bounced with him in my arms which just made him laugh and laugh. He was so beautiful.

Tomorrow morning at 7 we are going to the alps which i am soooooo excited about. It is going to be one awesome day and i guess we are going to climb one of the mountains there. Thats about it for now. I need to get back to puzzle building. Hope everything is well at home!

zi de zi

2008-05-21T12:10:00.001-06:00

today was a much better day. things were more peaceful and calm. the girl that had all the stuff going on ended up leaving to go home to the states today so that was a little hard but i feel that it will make us more focused while here. not too much other stuff going on today though. what is getting me through the rest of the week is knowing that on saturday we are going to sinai in the transylvanian alps which i am more than thrilled about. thats all for now.

pace si dragoste

and i dont want the world to see me cause i dont think that theyd understand

2008-05-20T09:23:00.000-06:00

TERRIBLE TUESDAY.

this was and probably will be the worst day of the entire trip. nothing went right today. every bad thing that could happen did. i dont even know how to start. how about the beginning of the day.

one of our team members has been having some problems at home and with being homesick. i am not going to go into details about this terrible thing because some of you know her. i will leave it at that she had a mental breakdown/panic attack while on the metro. it was one of the worst things in the word i have ever witnessed. i guess romanians do not cry or act any way like this in public so many of them kept gathering around and asking what was wrong and even old women were doing hand motion crosses over her. that is the story with no detail. but trust me it was a terrible thing.

because of this we lost three members of our group and this morning we were going to a rehab/disabilities orphanage with mainly with kids with autism. there were only four or five of us going and they in no way properly prepared us for this experience. the first little while there was fine we were working with some of the kids on puzzles and such and then we (jamie and i and a staff member) were sent out into the playground to paint the kids faces. this is the part where we were not prepared... we get out there and there are about 25 kids with autism running around and crazy. we tried to keep them calm. there was just us three, another staff member from CTL and then about three teachers from the orphanage. Jamie and i tried to stay together because everyone else dispersed. One boy started slapping us with a stick very hard. we finally got him away. all of the kids wanted their faces painted and were swarming us and started hitting us because they didnt want to wait. one boy i guess had a fascination with jewelry and i had quite a few bracelets on. he grabbed for my livestrong bracelet and did not let go. he finally pulled so hard that in snapped in half off of my hand. those things are tough and dont break easily so you can only imagine how hard it was. a couple of the kids were spitting on jamie. another one tried to bite both of us. then a girl tried to pull out jamies hair. thats when she said im done. Flourina, one of the staff members saw us wrestling with all of this and told us to go outside of the play ground. mind you all of this was not happening at once but in about a 20 minute period. so its not like it was a mad attack or anything. and these kids were not little. many of them were large in size and much older than us. we finally got outside of the playground and just sat there speechless. we were both frustrated and overwhelmed. i have a strong respect for kids with autism and disabilities but i do not feel at all that it is an area i am called to. this was an experienced that has probably changed and scarred me for life. my viewpoint on what my capabilities are and what i can handle have changed drastically. i dont even know what to think about this situation. we talked with some of the staff and im sure we will talk about it in debriefing tonight and in our meeting tomorrow morning. it was a ridiculous experience.

to build on the day. we all met up for lunch, which made me sick. jamie and i were stressed and crying and just wanted to call it a day but we couldnt. from their we headed to the park. now this bad situation to come did not involve us but miscommunication with the staff. certain kids were supposed to be picked and people were waiting and some were late and people were upset so there was quite a bit of fighting between them today. from there we went to the park which was probably the only positive part of the day. i played soccer with this little boy and we had so much fun together. that was definitely the highlight.

now the bad part after that is we were trying to get home... when the metro broke. home was to far to walk or take any other transportation so we waited for sooooooo long until they finally set up another subway to take the frustrated people home in the other direction.

we walked in the front door and i immediately went upstairs and locked myself in the bathroom where i took a loooong shower and shaved my legs for the first time since ive been here.. haha bet you are all excited for me. it was starting to get a little intense so i thought it was about time. but i used my shower time to relax and not really think about today. all i know is that i want and need the biggest hug in the world and someones lap to lay my head in. where are you mom when i need you!

transatlantic

2008-05-19T13:07:00.000-06:00

buna de minatza- that really means good morning, but it is actually night here. we dont know how to say goodnight yet, so for now i will just stick with that. i didnt write yesterday because i was probably overwhelmed and exhausted so tonight is for both days.

sunday as a special day. want to know why? because it was the sabbath duh. and here in romania we like to celebrate that by going to church. just like many of you. we all attended the International Church of Bucharest. This church was very fun because though it was in romanian it was also translated into english. i felt it was so amazing though despite the language barrier that we were all able to praise the same god together. the worship music was amazing both in romanian and english. in the service though, it was funny, they had a guest speaker who was from southern california so actually the service was in english and translated into romanian. silly huh? his message was very powerful though and i enjoyed it a lot.

as for today. i woke up overly excited. this occurred as i was pulling up my blue jeans. i slid my brown leather belt through each individual loop ohh so carefully and as i finally arrived at the buckle not only did it go through the normal notch BUT through the next one smaller.... ohhhhhh yeah. this romanian walking sure has paid off already. today we walked EIGHT MILES but we are averaging about 4 to 6 a day. arent you proud? by the time i get home you wont even be able to recognize me! well hopefully not that intense, but you know it never hurts. i like a good daily eight mile walk... not. my knees are already killing me and i feel like i have arthritis in them and it hurts to sit down and stand up. does anyone have some good advice? id could really use some right about now.

but besides my weight issue... today was a good day. this morning we went to the People's Palace. It is an enormous castle like structure that is said to be the first or second largest in the world next to the Pentagon. It was constructed in 1989 by the communist leader with a C last name that i cant spell. and it only took FIVE years to construct. here we were able to take a tour and it was beautiful. almost everything seemed to be made out of marble and there was huge chandeliers and the most beautiful view of the city. before the tour as we were patiently waiting outside the these three young handsome men came gliding in through the doors. immediately, as we all stared at them, they walked up to us softly questioning, "Do you speak English?" They could obviously tell we were American and we were all thrilled to meet some people from the motherland. All three mormon boys from Salt Lake City. All were very friendly and clung to us for the entire tour making as much conversation as possible. It was so funny to see how instantly all of our personalities changed around guys and especially around American guys. We were all back in our element. Though that only lasted a short while, it was nice for that moment to have the feeling of home.

The rest of the afternoon for my team was spent in the girls orphanage Catilla. There we performed a skit, made bracelets, and played games. It has been so neat since we have been to this orphanage a few times to start establishing relationships with some of the girls. They have started to recognize us when we come in and immediately run up and give us hugs. it is such a joyful feeling. this orphanage has been such a blessing to my time here so far.

thats about it for now.

Nu vorbest romaneshtay (phonetically) - I dont speak romanian. something that ive learned very well over the last few days.

Te ubesk!

2008-05-17T08:41:00.000-06:00

Sooo I really want to go rock climbing. No one understands what it is here. The only conversation I get about it is either when I'm reading my climbing magazines or playing with my hand thing and everyone here makes fun of me for "working out my hands" and trying to get "ripped fingers". On the metro and on the bus I practice. I hold on to the rail with one or two or three fingers or just onto the edge of the door or just flat on the wall with pressure. When the transportation is coming to a stop then when I test myself. Hahahaha wow reading over that just made me realize how much of a loser I really am....

On to other things. Today was hot. We were outside the whole day and it was hot. But it was so fun. My team took the girls from the girls orphanage to the park. The park was huge and beautiful and green with an enormous lake in the center. We got to go on a ferry ride for free also. I had my girl from the first day-Catalina- by my side the whole afternoon. She barely ever let go of my my hand. The park was playing european techno music and I had a severe craving for an instant dance party. I didnt do this but Catalina said she loved music and loved to dance so I did dance with her a little. It was a beautiful thing. After this we went to a playground and hung out there. This little girl really wanted me to play soccer with her so I did. She wore me out. After 20 minutes of running around and chasing the ball I was dead. The remaining time I spent blowing bubbles with some of the younger ones.

After this I got to eat my first Romanian fast food at a place called Springtime. It was decent. We had chicken and french fries and pickles and then they serve like a whole loaf of dry bread with your meal. The ketchup was also very tasty here. Romanians eat lots of bread and their bread is very good. I have been eating a lot and the walking is not burning it off. So I've limited myself to one slice of fresh bread a day from my usually five or six haha.

Tonight we are just resting an hanging out. Our free time is kind of spent just hanging around and talking. We dont know where anything is or how to get anywhere so we pretty much just stay at the house. There is no radio or anything so we just spend our evening entertaining ourselves with different stories. It is a nice break from home. Tomorrow is our day off. We are going to church and then im not sure what else though. I'm glad for a day off though. Just to relax and stay out of the humid heat. Despite this, I'm really looking forward to next week and all of the millions of kids and service that I will get to devote myself to.

Se Lest by Sugir Ros. My current favorite and best thing to fall asleep to. Check it out.

Today I also learned how to say I love you in Romanian. I will butcher the spelling but you can assume how it sounds- Te ubesk,

Proverbs 16:3

2008-05-16T12:26:00.000-06:00

I feel like where I am at right now is more of a lifestyle. We live in this house/building by ourselves. We cook and clean for ourselves (occasionally). We have scheduled time to be places like work and such. This is not a bad thing by any means, but it is also not at all what I expected, although before I left I didnt really know what to expect.

Today was fruitful. This morning we went to a preschool orphanage that had about 25 kids around ages 4 and 5. We took a long tram ride to get there and then walked a couple miles through what our staff leaders said was the poorest part of Bucuresti. They were trying to reconstruct this area but there was still lots of garbage, dirt, and dust everywhere. When we got there we went in the back and set up the stuff we brought. The grass was tall and the play ground equipment was rundown. Later we came to find out that because there are only two women that work here, the children barely ever get to go outside. After we had gotten ready all 25 kids come bursting out from around the corner and pile into our laps. This little girl named Elena jumped into mine. After doing some of our planned activities we just had free time where the kids got to run around and play outside which they absolutely loved. They had so much energy. This one little boy just wanted to be held and swung around and bounced non stop. It was tiring but so great.

After this we came back and had lunch with the staff. Then some of the apartment kids met up with us over here. We served them lunch and then just hung out and talked even though none of them spoke english. I dont know how this worked but it really did. Then we all walked to the park. Before leaving they told a couple of the little boys that they had to find someone older whose hand to hold on the way over. These two little boys ran up and jumped on me. I guess in Romanian they were both yelling, "I want her, she is beautiful!" So that kind of made my day, haha. We all went to the park and then played games and such. It was a great time.

Tonight, we had some time off and a couple of us walked a few blocks to go to a pastry shop. We ordered and everything with barely knowing any Romanian, but we made it. I've also learned that though I really have no fears for being here, my biggest fear is going home. After being here just these few days I have started to see Americans in a whole new light, and its not a really positive one. Just things about our lifestyle and the way we deal with certain things. So I'm really hoping that when I return home things wont be too difficult. But I really am not ready to think about going home yet. I still have too much going on in my head and in my thoughts to work out and come to conclusions.

Tomorrow is the weekend but still a big day of work for us. Sunday will be rest day.

buna!

2008-05-15T12:47:00.000-06:00

I am physically exhausted. I'm starting to get off of the jet lag, but we have been walking so much that I am so sore! I have come to realize how lazy Americans can really be. We complain about the smallest things and feel the need to drive EVERYWHERE. I think its about time that we all get over that. I really understand now how Europeans are so skinny.

This morning our team split up into two different groups. My group went to a day care place for children whose parents cant afford care. There were about 12 children ages 4 and 5. We played some games with them and then made fruit loop necklaces. I worked with this beautiful little girl named Denisa. She was 4 years old and had brown haired pig tails and wide bright marble colored eyes. She say next to me and held my hand as I helped her string the fruit loops on to the yarn. They werent supposed to eat them until they were finished but any ones that didnt fit on the string she would look at me giggle and then shove it into her mouth with a big smile. After this activity we all went outside and played with balls and drew with chalk. The kids had some much energy and were so much fun. They loved to be chased and picked up and just loved. There was this girl Georgiana who had the best smile I have ever seen. It is all she would do, just stand there and smile. When you would smile back at her she would just smile even bigger. These children were amazing.

After lunch today we worked with a group of kids ages 13-17 that live in apartments on there own. They had a school project of taking pictures around Bucuresti so we walked with them downtown and got to see some of the city. Everything looks old and beautiful and you can definitely see the affects that communism has had on this country.

So on to other things. Let see. The food is good. Mama Maria cooks lunch and dinner for us and she is amazing. She speaks no english so we try our best to learn things to say to her. So far our diet has consisted mostly of soup and bread. Though it is tasty I feel that this will start to ware after a while.

Another thing is that now when I hear English words they dont always make sense to me. It sounds like everything is just slurred together and fast. We have only been here three days so I wonder what it will feel like after three weeks of this.

Overall I'm doing very well. I'm learning lots. For one that it sucks to have toilet paper that is pretty much crete paper. Ive learned new ways to take showers and that shaving is overrated and really not all that important for how much work it is here. My bunk bed is hard to get into and that probably wont change but thats okay. My favorite time is morning when I wake up and no one else is up yet and I get to go downstairs look outside and see the sun rising and make myself some breakfast while sitting in the quiet.

Tomorrow is another day.

Buna-Hello
Chei fache?-How are you?
Bine-Fine/Good
Multusc-Thank you
muche ca meh-Bite me
frumos-beautiful
si-and
Dah-Yes
Noo-No
Pah-Bye
Unu doi trie ochii la meh- one two three eyes on me

Day One

2008-05-14T11:35:00.000-06:00

A long day here in Bucuresti. It all started at three in the morning where pretty much our entire team was awake but just silent and laying in bed. It took me two hours of listening to Sigur Ros until I finally made the effort to stumble down from my stiff upper bunk. I made my way through the kitchen trying to find something to eat even though I had no idea what anything was. A few other girls made it down and we ended up with some toast and blueberry jam. After this, through a rush of energy and a lack of sleep I started to go crazy releasing my energy. For those of you who really know me, you can only imagine.

We had a morning devotional with our team and the rest of the Romanian staff. We had some time to use until leaving for the orphanage so we went on a walk with Victor and Madalina (two staff members) through a sketchy amusement park that eventually led into a green and lake filled beautiful area. While here we asked them how to say thank you in Romanian so that when we returned we could thank Mama Maria (our cook and house keeper) for making lunch. They proceeded to tell us something that sounded somewhat like- mooska mesha (phonetically spelled). We return home and Dani of course walks up to Mama and puts her arm around her and says this... only to find out that the staff had lied to us and she had really said to Mama "Bite me" haha. Of course she understood this joke as I guess it has happened many times before.

After lunch we left for the girls orphanage. We took a bus and a subway and it was exciting because it was my first time on a subway. It was a different experience but I think very much needed. I did get a little motion sick but I hung in there. The orphanage we went to today had about 20 girls between 1st and 4th grade. Some were also mentally disabled. We came into the room and sat down and right away this little girl named Catalina came and sat down next to me and grabbed my hand. She looked about 9 years old and was mentally disabled. She pulled at my wrist to observe my watch which she spent about 20 minutes amused with. She rubbed it, smelled it, stared at it, and even kissed it. She put her head on my shoulder and you could tell that all she needed was a little bit of love and affection. But it was such a beautiful thing.

I would write more but there isnt much else to say for today and I just got called away to go to a debriefing meeting. I am not feeling so well so hopefully I will get over that soon. Just a bad tummy and head ache. I cant wait to go to sleep tonight...

Hello from Bucuresti!

2008-05-13T21:01:00.000-06:00

I made it here alive! It is beautiful and I am jet lagged. It turns out that I will have computers here and easy internet access so I will be writing on here every few days. My friend is also keeping a blog while here and I will post that address as soon as I get that if you guys are interested in reading it. I don't have much time now to write because I have to shower and get down to breakfast but I will in the next few days. Promise.

ROMANIA

2008-05-12T06:36:00.003-06:00

I'm leaving this morning and I will be back the night of Saturday June 7th so I will talk to you all when I get back!

D-Group & Stairwell Photos

2008-05-07T23:07:00.000-06:00

Baptism, Back of Car, & Brink of Summer

2008-05-06T16:41:00.000-06:00

Here is a link to my facebook album of pictures that I just put up that include pretty much what I listed in the heading. For those of you who don't know on Sunday at church I was baptized and it was the most amazing experience of my life. As for back of car, last night my friends jessica, sarah, and i slept in the back of my car in our parking lot. dont ask me why, we just wanted the experience. and brink of summer, well thats pretty self explanatory.

Just kidding, it wont send a link to all of them so ill just post a few on here and if you have facebook (im guessing most of you dont) then check it out.

portaledge

2008-04-29T22:01:00.000-06:00

After visiting the American Mountaineering Museum today in Golden, Colorado. I decided what I wanted to make my permanent home. For people exploring the big wall climbing experience, these trips can take many days to weeks of climbing. In this case sleep in necessary. There is this neat contraption called a portaledge. This is something similar to a tent which you hook into the rock with a caribbeaner. Here you can have the opportunity to get a good nights sleep while strapped in to your harness, the tent, and the wall. The idea of sleeping thousands of feet off the ground hanging by a fierce piece of metal inspires me.

leprosy

2008-04-24T13:53:00.001-06:00

i have a bad sunburn. it doesnt hurt so much anymore but it looks pretty gross. on saturday i went rock climbing in the hot sun for six hours while none of us brought sun screen. of course i burned the most thanks to my fair alaskan skin. i learned my lesson though. and it will never happen again. my friend gabe sunburned his face too while camping that same day. here is a picture of our disaster. although this does not capture how it really looks.

another sunny day in colorado-ay

2008-04-19T09:14:00.000-06:00

Ahhhh life.

My best friend Laura left a couple of days ago but it was amazing to have her here. After just doing YWAM (youth with a mission) in Australia and Indonesia, she finally made it back to America where she traveled from California, to Arizona (with some car trouble), to New Mexico (with some bus trouble), and finally to the fine state of Colorado. Having her here was the biggest joy in my life. Officially the longest we have ever been apart (a whopping 8 months!)it was amazing to see her.

The first time I ever came to Colorado I was with her. It was twice in one summer, the first for a wedding and the second on a road trip tom petty concert with her, her mom, and her sister. Therefore, we have many memories in this great state and it was so nice to relive them.

She was able to stay in my apartment. We had the opportunity to do some fun stuff; meet my friends, travel Lakewood, the Whole Foods experience, go to church, and the best day by far was Boulder.

The day in Boulder started off with us eating breakfast at Burnt Toast, my favorite restaurant in the entire world. The first time I actually found out about it was with her family when her mom pulled the car over and asked some biker where a good place to eat breakfast was. After that we went to Pearl Street where we walked around, we did more admiring of people than actually shopping. It was a beautiful day (beautiful enough to get sunburned) and the live music was exquisite. By far our favorite was this comical older man playing classic rock songs on the piano. After that we drove up near the flat irons and over the mountain for a beautiful view of the grand rocky mountains and the boulder valley. A few days later she left me, but it was really so amazing to have her here. So if any of you get the chance to come this way, I am a great tour guide and can get you to all the hot spots :)

As for everything else. There is only three weeks of school left. My life will be filled by trying to write last minute papers, a power point project, three finals, packing up my room, and squeezing in as much rock climbing possible before I have to take a break from the sport for a full 27 days. I leave for Romania in 22 days. I posted a clock on my blog so that once I finally leave you will be able to assume what I'm doing at the current time, as there is a 9 hour time difference. I finally got my schedule for the trip and it seems as if every minute of every day is planned. I learned that we will not just be working at one orphanage but 5 different ones all run by the same organization. Our team has also split into two teams so that we can spend more time at the different locations. I'm getting nervous and excited. Although many of you wont here from me during that month, I will be keeping a journal over there and will be sure to post some of my entries on here when I return.

Th-th-th-th-th-th-thats all folks.

life as of april 7, 2008

2008-04-07T15:12:00.001-06:00

after wednesday i am home free. i will turn in my 15 page research paper and hopefully get the best grade that is possible for me. i dont know exactly what that grade will be, but at least this paper that i have put like 100 hours into will be complete. wednesday at noon will be the best day of my life. well one of many.

i got some climbing gear which i am soooooo excited about and can not wait to try out tonight. of course the weather yesterday was hot sunny bright and 80 degrees and today it was 30 and snowy and rainy and dark so i cant climb outside but hopefully on wednesday.

i also found out that i can live on campus this summer!!! they have housing and i am very excited about it. my plans are slightly changing. i get back from romania june seventh and then i think i will just stay living in colorado at school until the middle of august. then i will be able to get a job for a couple months (hopefully at a coffee shop) and i will still be able to hang out with my friends, do outdoorsy things, and enjoy the hot hot colorado sun. and then in august i will go back to alaska for about a week around the 8th. then i will go to seattle where i will meet up with laura and her family where we will then see tom petty in concert and then a week later jack johnson and then a day or two later i will start school!!!!!!!!!!!! great sounding summer huh?

ALSO: i got all of the money for my trip to ROMANIA. i am even 75 over. how exciting is this. i was also the first person on our team completed with all of our moeny. im working away trying to come up with some fun crafts for the orphans because thats surprisingly what im in charge of- thanks mom for my great crafting ability-not! that didnt come from you, im not that good.

i <3 colorado

2008-04-04T23:20:00.000-06:00

i love colorado. but i dont love the people.

i dont really know how else to put it, but ill leave it at that for now.

clear water creek- the water that fuels the nearby coors factory...

2008-04-03T09:41:00.000-06:00

yesterday i went rock climbing for my first time ever outside and it was the most amazing thing i have ever done in my life. my friend aaron and i went to clear water creek where we hiked up a little bit. the first route he lead belayed where he climbed up and hooked in carabiners and put the rope through them to make a top rope. i attempted to climb this one when he got back but it was a little difficult for my first beginner time so i came back down. we walked up to a little area and the top of the pitch. here there was not very much room to stand so we locked ourselves into the things on the rock. here we did the same thing again where i belayed him while he hooked in the things. this route was much easier and so much fun. when i got to the top just looking so far down and seeing the road and the river it was so cool. so we both climbed to the top of that pitch and came to an extremely hard route which i belayed aaron on. it was seriously the coolest thing ever. from there we went back down. first he lowered himself and then i got to lower myself which was so amazing. im seriously still on an adrenaline rush from yesterday. i wish i had some pictures to show how cool it was but maybe next time. mom and dad dont freak out, it sounds scary but its not that bad and it is really safe if you do everything right, which i am. we take all of the precautions and do everything in the safest way possible. it is really the most amazing thing ever, and i think you should all give it a try.

spring break alright

2008-03-31T22:43:00.000-06:00

it has been quite the week... i dont even know what to say but it feels like it is officially the longest week ever. it started two wednesdays ago where after class i went to the rock gym and was able to go top lining (rock climbing with ropes) for one of my first times. i have been bouldering (climbing with no ropes) the last couple weeks so this was a nice change. i was able to learn a lot from my friend and also get belaying certified, which i was pretty excited about. on thursday i skipped the last day or school before break to go for a nice day of snowboarding. this trip was the most eventful by far because due to traffic and stops i had the ability with a friend to have a dance party (yes a dance party) in the middle of I-70 with some random people from alabama. it was the most amazing experience of my life. it wasnt dirty dancing, dont get me wrong family, but just a little harmless dance moves to some techno coldplay. this event was seen by many cars around us and even by soem guy videoing us on his iphone- that was a little creepy.

friday i left for good old seattle where i would spend the next few days with me mama and my cousin katie. this trip was pretty fun but also had a lot of downtime which was good. we got to eat at a number of delicious restaurants, which i am now thanking myself for at the gym. we also did some fun shopping. my mom and i went to the goodwill outlet (who knew they had them!) here all of the clothes were in giant bins that you had to dig through and was a complete madhouse of people. but the first item i did grab was a polar fleece pink northface jacket, that was in perfect condition. this jacket, normally at 150 dollars, i paid for by the pound which ended up costing me about 88 cents im guessing. the best bargain of my entire life. my other favorite shopping was at rei where i got a sweet sleeping bag (charlotte) which im taking to romania, and also a nice mountaineering backpack, which they molded to my body, also for my trip. and thanks to my new membership and tax exempt, i saved quite a bit of money.

on the trip i also got to see my cousin jason and his two daughters. we drove a hour to get the beautiful town of olympia which was filled with enormous trees and lots of greenery. we went out and had a nice lunch. the girls were so cute and funny it and it was so nice to see them since it has been a number of years.

after the trip i returned back to colorado where i had a nice time. i was alone in my apartment so i got to work on some homework, do some cleaning, get in some nice runs to the park, and also just some down time to watch my new favorite tv show GREEK. it is amazing really. there were some other people im my stairwell so i wasnt completely alone but it was still so refreshing to be back in colorado.

saturday morning, i made the four hour trek west to grand junction to surprise nick for his twentieth birthday. we had a lot of fun and it was so good to see him after a week. the weather was nice the first day so we spent some time outside and with his family. sunday was his birthday so we went out to breakfast with his family and some relatives and then went to his grandmas house to have cake and presents. that night there was an a storm with the most amazingly huge lightening strikes. we were able to watch it from his living room because it has a view of the valley and it was terrifying but beautiful.

this afternoon (monday afternoon) we left to drive back through the pass to denver. after about two hours of driving there were cops lined up blocking of the road. we overheard them saying to someone that there was a bad snow storm and fatal accidents so they had closed off the pass. we called home to see if there was an alternate route but, of course, there was an accident on that road too. so we turned around and drove two hours back to grand junction where we got to at about 7 tonight. we are going to leave around 7 tomorrow morning and hopefully it will be a much easier, and safer, trip.

tonights pretty thrilling though... nick has been writing a paper the last few hours so i have been able to take a nap, watch tv, and get a few other boring tasks out of the way. hahaha..amazing. but despite all of this, it was worth it to come see him. so that was my spring break, and it was extended a few days (which i dont mind) but im still ready to get back home now!

constructive criticism

2008-03-12T13:56:00.000-06:00

In high school they taught us that we needed to start adjusting to teachers we didnt like then because in college it would be so much worse. i never believed that they were actually right.

i have been working hard on this paper i have for my research writing class. the whole semester my professor hasnt been the kindest or most respectful towards me i feel. her responses on my papers have not been very constructive and i have been getting let down a lot. every time i leave her class im in the worst mood. so the classes main focus is writing this one long research paper for the whole semester. I changed my topic about two weeks ago and have been working hard researching on it and gathering information. we had a four page rough draft due this week and today we each met with her individually and had meetings about our paper.

i thought that she was finally going to be pleased with me because i had put so much effort into it. She even stated off nice, "I like your new topic" "I was worried about your last one" And then for the remaining 15 minutes of our meeting she ripped my paper and my self-esteem apart. I was actually proud of my rough draft come to find she gave me a 30 out of 40 on it and went off about how my sources werent good enough, my reasoning wasnt good enough. She said she would be shocked if i would be able to pull this off in time. She said that i would "actually" have to put some effort into it. little does she know that i worked my butt off. her only advice for me is to "go to the library" oh thanks, real good advice.

guh, so im spending the day reflecting, trying to tell myself that im not a horrible student, and even if she doenst realize how hard i worked, i still can. and there are going to be a lot worse people i encounter in life so i better get used to it.

You Will All Be Famous One Day

2008-03-07T00:11:00.000-07:00

Why will you be famous? Because you are going to know the girl who changed the world. thats right ladies and gentlemen, im going to change the world. i dont know how, i dont know when, but i do know that it will be for the better and that it is going to happen. ill keep you posted on how the progress goes, but just know, that i am in the process of becoming the person, who is going to change the world.

garden state..maybe only mom will understand

2008-03-04T21:45:00.000-07:00

im taking a break from editing my ten page paper in the union. im listening to the garden state soundtrack and it made me think of my mama. and then it made me think of the movie and its amazing quotes. so here are some amazing quotes from the movie that, mom, you can reminisce over.

Sam: Hey, I recognize you.
Andrew Largeman: Oh, did you go to Columbia High?
Sam: No, not from high school, from TV. Didn't you play the retarded quarterback?
Andrew Largeman: Yeah.
Sam: Are you really retarded?
Andrew Largeman: No.
Sam: Ooh, great job man! I really thought you were retarded. I mean, you're better than that Corky kid and he's actually retarded. If there was a retarded Oscar you would win, hands down, kick his ass!

Sam: You're in it right now, aren't you?
Andrew Largeman: What?
Sam: My mom always says that, when she can see I'm like working something out in my head, she's like, 'you're in it right now' and I'm looking at you're telling this story, and you're definitely in it.

Olivia: Sam, I thought I told you to take the metal wheel out of the hamster cage.
Sam: Oh! I forgot!
Olivia: [holding up a stiff brown lump] Well, you forgot, and now Jelly's dead.

Andrew Largeman: I think we've corrupted this innocent girl enough for one day!
Sam: I'm not innocent.
Andrew Largeman: Yes, you are! That's what I like about you, okay? And I don't want this guy taking you to some sketchy quarry in the middle of Newark to find crack whores huffing turpentine or pit bulls raping each other or whatever else is down here!
Mark: Man... that's the most worked up I've ever seen you.
Sam: He's protecting me.
Andrew Largeman: So?
Sam: He *likes* me!
Andrew Largeman: Don't be cute.
Sam: He's my knight in shining armor.
Andrew Largeman: Don't talk about knights around Mark, it's a sore subject.

Sam: OK, so... so... sometimes I lie. I mean, I'm weird, man. About random stuff too, I don't even know why I do it. It's like... it's like a tick, I mean sometimes I hear myself say something and think, Wow, that wasn't even remotely true.

Sam: You don't realize, this is good, this doesn't happen often in your life. We can work this stuff out. I want to help you, you know? We need each other...
Andrew Largeman: This isn't a conversation about this being over, it's, it's... I'm not, like, putting a period at the end of this, you know, I'm putting, like, an ellipsis on it, cause I'm- I'm- I'm worried that if I don't figure myself out, if I don't go like land on my own two feet, then I'm just gonna to mess this whole thing up, and this is too important. I gotta go... you changed my life in four days. This is the beginning of something really big. But right now, I gotta go.

Andrew Largeman: I don't want to waste another moment of my life without you in it.

Sam: You gotta hear this one song, it'll change your life I swear.

Sam: This is your one opportunity to do something that no one has ever done before and that no one will copy throughout human existence. And if nothing else, you will be remembered as the one guy who ever did this. This one thing.

Andrew Largeman: Hey Albert
Albert: Yeah?
Andrew Largeman: Good luck exploring the infinite abyss.
Albert: Thank you, and Hey, you too

Sam: If you can't laugh at yourself, life is going to seem a whole lot longer than you'd like.

back to blizzard

2008-03-02T17:37:00.000-07:00

so yesterday i was outside tanning soaking up the sun in 85 degree weather and such right?? well today it is back to winter. in the middle of the night we were attacked by a snow storm that covered the roads, the cars, the buildings and we are back to 15 degrees. yeah that is a 70 degree difference. (i think? im no math whiz) i didnt know that it was possible for the weather to change that drastically in less than 24 hours. what the heck.

tan the moon

2008-03-01T13:47:00.000-07:00

i just want you all to be thoroughly jealous. today i am sitting out side under the beautiful sunshine while it is beaming down on me and bronzing my skin in eighty five degree weather. it has cooled off a little bit from earlier and though i was enjoying it my body can not acclimate to this type of heat. it is enjoyable though and i wish more than anything there was a beach five minutes away that i could go play at. maybe i should move?

junction junction whats your function

2008-02-17T23:21:00.000-07:00

so i have a boyfriend and he is really sweet. dont think that this post has anything to do with soul mates as to my previous post. i think i have come to the conclusion that i dont believe in it. but i still am crazy about him and like him.

this weekend i went home to nicks town of grand junction. i stayed with his family and got to meet them. they were incredibly sweet and welcoming. i got to meet some of his friends as well as go to a wedding of one of his high school friends.

i think grand junction is beautiful. maybe not so much the actual town (it reminded me a little of anchorage) but it is located in a huge valley surrounded by mountains that are beautiful. they are flat and long and indescribable.

this weekend was a learning experience as well as an awesome time. im so glad i went.

soul mates

2008-02-11T00:03:00.000-07:00

so ive been thinking about soul mates a little bit recently. ive thought long and hard about it and evaluated it but i cant come to the conclusion if i believe in them or not.

what if there are soul mates. what if you think you guys are soul mates but they dont have the same feelings. does that mean then that you are in fact not soul mates? what if you are soul mates and neither of you know it. well i guess soul mates are more of a fate thing so in the words of fate if its meant to be then it is meant to be.

but what if there is no such thing as soul mates. there are billions of people in the world how could just one be your soul mates? what are the chances of even finding them?

what do you think?

golden flower

2008-02-06T22:14:00.000-07:00

yesterday i met the refugee family we will be working with for the next few months. we arrived at four and found the apartment alright. the door was open and there were a lot of people so we werent quite sure if it was the right place because no one spoke english, but we went in anyway.

turned out it was the right place but we called the translator and she said the meeting wasnt until 430. hmmmmm so we had a nice long half hour of awkward not being able to communicate. we did figure out how to get our names across and how to show how old we were with our fingers. jessica acted out soccer and basketball to try and ask the boy if he liked to play. only to find out that the words were the same in their language as in ours.

finally the translator showed up. this is the only time we will have her there when we are working with the family so we are going to have to find so new means of communication until they learn so english or we learn some of their language.

they have a precious seven year old daughter. her name in english means golden flower. this is going to be a really awesome but intense learning experience that i am really looking forward to. after the meeting they were able to say thank you in english and we could say it in their language ta bleu (not how you spell it but it sounded kind of french but slurred)

hypochondric

2008-02-02T17:30:00.000-07:00

well now i am sick and have bronchitis. i want to die. just chop off my head. where is a guillotine when you need one? come on french. at first i thought i was just a hypochondriac from watching too much greys anatomy. i wanted to be on the show so badly that i made myself sick so i could go to the doctor. alright alright im not that weird. hopefully ill be better soon since im now the stairwell drug addicted. knocked up with 6 different medicines. greys anatomy for next 24 hours? i think so.

let it be let it be let it be let it be

2008-02-01T00:08:00.000-07:00

so i didnt get to meet my refugee family today due to misinformation about addresses. i was so sad. i had been preparing for this all day. excited, nervous, so many feelings that i couldnt explain only to be let down. it was partially my fault i suppose. they sent me two addresses. one saying 401 and one saying 410 i guess i could have printed both off but i just didnt look at them that closely.

i am just disappointed. but more in myself. i hate letting people down and thats what i feel i did today. said i would be somewhere and didnt show up. and i know i may be being too hard on myself, this was just a simple mistake and there is nothing i could do about it. but i am just disappointed. today has been long and hard and depressing and i just wasnt ready for it.

i used to look at things through the perspective that if there is nothing you can do to change something than make the most of what youre given. i feel like i have lost that mentality. that it was something that came along with my innocence and youth, being able to find the joy in even the lowest points. i wish i could bring that back because recently i have found myself to be more pessimistic rather than the optimist we all knew and loved.

i guess its like what i said in my last entry. im just overwhelmed. im taking on so much stuff and maybe im just not ready for what im getting myself into.

looking back at what i just wrote made me sad. the majority of what i wrote was about me, what im feeling, why im upset, whats wrong with me. instead i need to be focusing not on myself but on things that are so much more important than whatare going on in my life. ive been blessed with so much and need to not take that for granted. to be thankful for what ive been given, and make the most of any situation, like what i once belived.

i know you can be overwhelmed and you can be underwhelmed but can you ever just be whelmed?-10 things i hate about you RIP Heath Ledger

2008-01-30T22:44:00.000-07:00

as a simple request from my grandmother im writing a new post so that every time she opens the page she wont be forced to look at that nasty bubbling toes. its kind of like the jack johnson song bubbly toes. now thats a good one. but i think he was talking about something else other than frost bite...

things here have been going well. overwhelmed with school work, fundraising, and other extra curricular activities. and on top of that, i am also overwhelmed by the world.

i think the world is the sum of everything going on in my life and what is pulling down on me.

as for school work, most of it comes from my geography, global studies, and missions class. these classes have me studying individual countries as well as our own and the one i am preparing to go to this summer. the reading is overwhelming and hurts my heart often.

fundraising for romania is going not so well. this is yet another overwhelming object of my life. this trip was something i wanted to do entirely on my own. i didnt want to rely on parents for anything since i seem to rely on them for everything. and when i say rely on them i really mean paying for everything. i wanted this to be my own things. one single thing i could do for myself. we are participating in a lot of fundraisers but when you split this money among 10 girls, it all gets chopped up into smaller portions. currently we are doing a change drive (which personally i believe is very ineffective.) who is going to go out of their way to go to the RA rooms and put loose change into a jar. i am also selling fair trade coffee from africa. we sell it for 10 dollars but get six. this is a good deal, but what college student is going to spend money to buy this? i know i wouldnt. other girls in my group are from colorado so they can go to their hometowns and sell but i dont have that advantage. besides this there are other fundraisers were doing spaghetti dinners and such. but nothing that is going to get me 900 more dollars in two weeks. please note that this is not a plea for money, but me venting on my blog. dont take it to heart.

as for extra curricular activities i dont know if i mentioned that i would be working with a refugee family. i am leading a group of 5 other students that are helping a refugee family from burma. we are working with them helping them to learn english and get used to american customs such as riding the bus or grocery shopping. they dont speak any english. i am so excited for this opportunity but so nervous at the same time. tomorrow is the first day that we will be meeting with an interpreter and the family to get to know them, but after that there will be no interpreter. im praying earnestly that god will use this experience to help me grow more than anything.

also an extra curricular is a book im reading its called A Long Way Gone: Memoir of a Boy Soldier. This book is about a guy who is from Sierra Leone and is reflecting on his youth dealing with rebels and loosing his family, village, among so many other terrible things. but it is a passionate book.

so as you can see i am overwhelmed by the world. its not affecting me directly but at the same time it is. from this experience of how much i passionately care about this planet and its cultures and its people i feel i have started to learn on what im called to do with my life. i dont know specifically what that is, but i know that it will slowly, or maybe quickly, start to unfold right in front of me.

what if god was one of us

2008-01-22T19:46:00.000-07:00

welcome to your STEP moms house.

this is what happens when your RA gets fired for not being able to make it down a 14er fast enough at -30 degrees and is forced to COHABITATE with a boy in a tent on the mountain so she didnt freeze to death. as a result she also received severe frost bite so she cant run for three months or be outside for long periods of time.

thanks to this "kush the dush" forced her to reside due to her "terrible" offenses. so now he is asking us to cooperate calmly while we "process" this "transition".

so now welcome to your step moms house. heres some pictures to back up the goodness.

stretching, flailing, and punching

2008-01-16T14:53:00.000-07:00

last night i had a self attack. there i lay sleeping at about five in the morning peaceful and calm. dreaming of sugarplums and who knows what else. all of a sudden either i was stretching, flailing my arms, or just felt the plain need to punch myself in the face. my cast hit my nose and the next thing i knew i was awake and in pain and my nose was bleeding everywhere. i got out of bed and raced to the bathroom where i spent the next ten minutes trying to get it to stop. gross.

wallowing

2008-01-06T19:13:00.000-07:00

i fractured my wrist. yes sir i did. my entry will be short since its kind of difficult to type with this fatty velcro brace on. it happened while i was snowboarding. so thats always fun. at least it wasnt from tripping or falling down stairs. so i have to find another doctor when i get to colorado who will take care of me. the chip isnt too bad and im not in a whole lot of pain, more so just sad. thats all for now.

we come from the ak where we dont play sun goes down in the middle of the day

2007-12-31T03:29:00.000-07:00

home home home home home, i havent written since ive been here. but what do you expect really? ive been preoccupied with family, friends, and sleep. christmas was good and new years is tomorrow. my first week here was fun and i spent it with my family and my cousin and my grandma who were visiting. we spent hours niffty knitting and watching the hills. wooo.

seeing my best friend mary for the first time in four months was amazing. she picked me up from the airport and i was so genuinely happy to see her. the time ive spent with her so far is amazing. she hasnt changed and our friendship is stronger than ever, but i guess that comes from talking on the phone everyday, at least once a day, every day, that i was away. i love her. its weird to see how my other friends have changed and how i have changed. its helped me a lot to learn who my real friends are or who i plan on staying close to for the next few years to come.

i love my family. being away from them helps me to learn not to take them for granted. of course my mom is great. talking to her everyday on the phone at school is good, she is my best friend, and i love her so so so so much. my dad is crazy, i think that when he sees me it just makes him hyper, because that is how he has been the entire time i have been home, and thats not normal. maybe he changed. but i love him more than ever. my brother is my brother. hes super duper, but he is the same as well, and i love him. having my grandma and my cousin katie here was neat too. katie is special, thats right special. i have so much fun with her and shes so level headed. she makes me look at things in a realistic point of view, and as she helped raise me and teach me life lessons when i was younger, she continues to do that to this day, and i love the advice she gives me. my grandma is comforting. she is a lot like my mom, and both of them are great people. i love to have her around.

so as you can see, i have a lot of love for my family.

i learned that i, among with others in my family, suffer from raynauds disease. which is bad circulation in certain parts of the body. all of my life people always commented on that obscure trait of mine, but now i feel that i can justify it. i also am suffering from whatever the opposite is of acute mountain sickness. being in colorado at such a high altitude its hard to adjust to this low one. ive gotten really bad headaches, tummy aches, as well as being really dizzy. it happened at thanksgiving to, and when i go back to colorado i have the same sickness. i decided i need to pick one or the other place to live and stay there because i cant keep doing this.

what else what else, im in talkeetna right now staying with noelle. its been good to see everyone out here and especially her parents. they are AMAZING. she has a nice bed and good food and theres not much else that i feel i could ask for. im spending new years out here and with her and im looking forward to it.

this post has just been a preview of stuff going on here. as nice as it is to be home im thrilled to be at my other home in colorado. i miss my bed there and the amazing people that i am always surrounded by.

one more sad story. i havent seen the sun since ive been here. it has either been dark or cloudy. so there has been no sun for me. today we slept in till about 130. we got dressed and went out to eat. by three, an hour and a half later, it was already getting dark. this sounds pansy-ish but this is a very serious depressing issue. we need some daylight!!

finals week is....

2007-12-19T00:11:00.000-07:00

BORING

all i do is study, sleep, test, study, sleep, test

since there is only like an hour of finals three times this week for me ive had a lot of down time that ive spent studying. but i think there is a point that studying becomes ineffective. right now it is all building up for me. im freaking crazy and i just want to be home. my roommate made me some tea to calm me down. its midnight. i have a final at eight am. i studied all day. ad now i cant sleep. so as you can see, this is me, being finaled. too much sleep, not enough sleep. too many little words on a page, to be notes to review. ahhhhhhhhhhhh i really think you all know this is not the normal me (unless you really know me of course) but usually im really not quite this crazy i guess. i will be home in three days. once again united with my best friend and family and snow and bed and not homework. ahhhhhhhh okay i should sleep. yeah ill get right on that... my mom hasnt called back. come on people. okay, so youve experienced my first finals breakdown rant. the end.

p.s. Elf Yourself

sick

2007-12-17T21:21:00.000-07:00

too much christmas cookies and candy.

puuuuke.

final essay of my first semester of college english

2007-12-13T00:56:00.000-07:00

Mountains of Life
I have a paper bag. I carry it with me everywhere I go. It accompanies me to class, on vacations, in bed at night, and so many other places. I should mention that my bag is made of recycled paper, because I am eco-friendly of course. My paper bag is my life. Inside it I keep only the most sacred and important parts of who I am. My bag is enormous, although this does not come from being a packrat or holding on to things for longer than necessary. It is because what I have inside my bag is huge. If you were to look in my bag, it would be like peeping into an infinite abyss. There is no telling what you would find there. Although it is a miraculous view, the sight is not uncommon to many people. Inside my bag is a mountain, a huge mountain covered with rivers, rocks, wildflowers, and wind. This mountain is not like any normal mountain though because it is my mountain. Its unique characteristics range from worn and fallen trees to the new sprouts found in spring. The mountain is a constant cycle of all things old and new. This is the treasure found in my simple recycled paper bag.
My mountain is large and strong. It is powerful and can withstand anything. My steadfast mountain may be hit with severe thunderstorms, rainstorms, or fire, and it will continue to stand strong. I believe God delighted in making the mountains above the rest of creation. Just like snowflakes, no two mountains are the same; my mountain is my family. Like tree sap, it sticks together through the thick and thin. My family is unique like the mountains because God created each and every person different in some way or another. My mountain has been weathered; struck by broken relationships, lies, fighting, and work. Though there have been bad days, there have also been sunny, snowy, and beautiful days filled with joy, unity, comfort, and strength. After each rainstorm my family, like the mountains, have also prospered and sprouted new beginnings out of negative effects. This is what I admire so much about my family- though times can get tough we always pull together and conquer anything that is thrown at us.
My mountain’s terrain is unique and covered in rivers flowing in a hundred different directions. The courses and paths are always changing, leading into new places. Though the currents shift and branch off, they continue to flow. The waters push me off into new journeys, both good and bad, but always helping me to move forward. These rivers are the people I consider my friends. Throughout my life so far I have met many new people that have led me down new paths in my life. I have had positive influences that have sent me in areas and helped me to grow and mature. Other rivers have been raging rapids that caused me to backtrack in my life. Together, these rivers have carved their ways in the bank, creating new bends and turns that have led me to where I am today.
Mountains are obviously covered and built out of rock. This is essential for a mountain to stand tall and remain prepared and steadfast. The rock makes it capable for the mountain to be strong against everything. The rock of my mountain is my education. I truly believe this is one of the foundational aspects of my life. Knowing that there are uneducated children and people in the world has caused me to be grateful for God’s blessing of education. Having a strong education has not only prepared me for school work and got me into college, but it has prepared me for ‘real life’. I feel that with what I know right now I will be able to be independent. Teachers have shaped my life over the years and have helped me to develop my conscience. Education has helped me to create my moral standards and values. The rocks of my education help me to stand firm in my beliefs and lifestyle choices.
The wildflowers found on the mountain are one of my favorite parts. God created each one individually with vivid colors, unique size, and shape. Every flower is beautiful and bright. The wildflowers represent every different continent, country, and culture found in the world. People are my passion, specifically their cultures. I find it so amazing that God has filled this earth with so many diverse peoples, yet all are uniquely crafted by His perfect design, giving them immeasurable value. I want to take the time in my life to travel and get to experience every culture on a personal level. It is my life dream to take Christ to the world and to make Him known by all. I love to travel, to see new places, to engage in different culture, and my relationship with God. When I combine all of these together I come out with the idea of a missionary. This is what I want to do. I feel God’s calling on my life to live out His Great Commission to the fullest. I feel that everything in my life has prepared me for this. Daily I pray that He will strengthen my faith and my heart to fulfill His will for my life.
The most essential parts of my mountain are wind and air. Without them it would be impossible for everything to survive. The air rustles the trees, causes the rivers to move, and blows through the petals of the wildflowers. The wind affects everything on the mountain. Without it the mountain would lose its majestic mystery. The wind and air are God. I can breathe it in, and feel it surround me. Just because you cannot see it does not mean it isn’t there. The soft breeze gives me a feeling of peace and comfort. I know that I am not and will never be alone. God’s love is the air I breathe in. With every breath I am filled with Him and our relationship is strengthened. The air is filled with particles of his characteristics: love, peace, kindness, mercy, grace, and joy. Each time the wind moves through the mountain, I remember, I am never alone.
What I enjoy most about all of the aspects in my bag is that the all unite under one common theme: love. In all aspects of my life I am able to observe the beauty that is perfected through love. Within my family we all share a natural bond brought to us from birth. This unconditional love is so powerful. I know that my family will always be there for me and that I can rely on them no matter what. My friends are similar to family because I hold them closest to my heart. I have known them for some time and they have become like brothers and sisters to me. Their companionship means more to me than I can express. In addition to receiving love, I love many things in life. I especially love to learn. Without my education there is no way that I could progress in life. I’m thankful for all that I have been provided with and the ability to learn at a higher level. My love for people and culture is another important area of my life. This is more than a love, but a passion. Above all things, God is the most important form of love in my life. God is love. His love is unfailing, unchanging, and perfect. It is a comfort to know that God will never leave or forsake any of us. I feel that all of the aspects of my mountain unite under the perfect bond of love. Each area weaves with each other to create a beautiful and colorful quilt that covers my mountain year round with warmth and protection.
My paper bag is one of a kind. Its contents are incredible- uniquely created by God. Inside the infinite abyss of my bag is a mountain. In this mountain is my life, covered by rivers, rocks, wildflowers, and wind. My family, friends, education, culture, and God are what hold this mountain together. All things interact and weave through each other forming a shield that can withstand anything. The mountain is fortified for the worst of days and gladly embraces the good ones. This mountain that I keep hidden in my recycled paper bag composes my whole life. I carry it with me everywhere I go. I have a paper bag.

christian shootings

2007-12-09T18:41:00.000-07:00

this morning i woke up at about 730. kaylans parents called to tell us about the local shooting. it took place in arvada which is near our school. it was at a ywam (youth with a mission) training center. it was said that he shot people because he asked if he could stay the night there and they said no. he shot 4 people. two died, and two are in critical condition. the boy 23 was from alaska and the girl 26 is from minnesota.

we watched the news for a while ate breakfast and went back to sleep. we went to eat and do homework where we learned there was another shooting.

at New Life Church in colorado springs there was a gunman who shot anywhere between 4 and 8 people inside the church and in the parking lot. it is learned that 1 person died. there is an asumption that the gunman was shot and even that the person was a girl. but who knows. there is also no conformation that the two shootings were related. New Life Church is my roommates home church so she was worried. we drove down to colorado springs tonight and are staying at her parents house. pray for these people.

the blustery day

2007-12-04T10:29:00.000-07:00

i barely made it to class without blowing away.

i woke up an hour early because the loud machines were going clearing leaves out of the way. it wasnt windy. all was quiet but these annoying machines. i got ready, put on a jacket, and left. i barely made it down my stairs because my eyes were blinded by the leaf debris that was shot out by the machine. when i got to the bottom and out in the open, i almost blew away. i have never felt or walked in wind this strong. tree branches, newspapers, and plastic bags were flying around everywhere like ghosts. of course i had to walk by the lake to get to class so i was struck by sharp droplets of water blown off the surface. the wind blew in my eyes so fierce that they started to tear and run down my face. my hair was standing straight up as the wind came underneath and shot it up. i finally made it to my classroom. while sitting there though i was convinced by the strong sounds and the shaking of the building that a tornado was going to come and blow us away. walking back from class was a little scary but comforting since austin walked with me and holding on to his hard helped me to not fly away into the infinite abyss. we quickly walked back to our rooms while still continuing to get pelted by water droplets from the lake and while tears ran down my face. i made it back inside safely but the sounds are terrifying. whistling, shouting, torments of wind. our poor little rocking chair out on the balcony is going crazy but i wont dare go outside to rescue it. good thing i dont have any more classes today because i am not leaving this room. unless of course our stairwell blows over, which it might very well do. wish me luck.

weekend pictures

2007-12-02T22:15:00.001-07:00

weekend of joy

2007-12-02T21:57:00.001-07:00

this weekend started early and i feel like its gone on forever. i believe it all started on wednesday night when we had a dance party... yeah, well we made some sweet videos the best being glamorous, and if youre really lucky ill show it to you all when i get home. so that night was pretty fun. the next morning i dragged myself out of bed to go to class, but i made it no worries mom. after we skipped chapel (to take a nap of course) and then we left to go snowboarding. it was the first one of the season so it was amazing. kaylan, breezy, jessica, and i all rode up to copper mountain. its kind of scary snowboarding somewhere else for the first time. ive never gone outside of alaska so i guess you could say i was a little intimidated. but despite that, i had the best day of riding that ive had in a while. afterwards we left and drove to beau jos where karissa, dylan, and nick met up with us. we had my birthday dinner. soooo good. how i love that place. they got me a special dessert too. it was perfect. kaylan gave me a birthday present, a heart necklace with three hearts that say faith hope and love. its so perfect. she is the best roommate EVER. that night we watched elf with some friends and then went to bed. ohh and breezy slept over, which happens like every night, so its nothing new. i do love to share a single bed with her, haha.

friday was fun. we slept in, went to the gym, which was killer since we were so sore from snowboarding. we cleaned and decorated our room some more. that night kaylan, breezy, jessica, and i went downtown to watch the parade of lights. we had to park a million miles away the traffic was so bad. but we finally arrived and it was totally worth it. we saw a lot of people from our school. everyone now knows us as "those girls who sang and danced to glamorous. yeah it showed up on our facebook newsfeed." we dont even know some of these people haha. but still the parade was fun. there were lots of dancers and bands and giant blow up things and lights! it ended and we walked and got some hot chocolate. we didnt quite remember where we parked so we took the 16th street bus hoping it would take us somewhere. the bus was about to leave so we sprinted after it where these two punk boys insisted that we couldnt get on because it was going to nebraska. dont ask. but one of them was from alaska and went to dimond. its always crazy when you meet people from home. its such a small world out there. well after our long walk and sketchy back streets and trying to stay near police cars (since we are four young girls) we made it back to our car safe and sound. when we got back to the room i went into my room to start putting clothes away and i heard kaylan call my name. i came out and there was my whole stairwell holding a cake and sang me happy birthday. it was so good! my birthday has been drawn out for three weeks i think and i love it! thanks to everyone who made it extra special. after all of this we had a sleep over in our room and watched the hallmark movie a boyfriend for christmas which is absolutely amazing and you should all watch it.

saturday morning i had to wake up early to go to a training day for our missions trips. all of the teams were there so about 70 people. we spent a few hours doing team building activiteis which is always fun...... haha, afterwards we just talked for a while and they brought us lunch which was cool. after that not much happened. i think we just hung out, watched tv. let me say the show intervention on A & E is amazing but sad. you should see it. hung out with nick that night. did laundry, dont know what else.

sunday morning we had decided not to go snowboarding the night before but karissa came into my room at eight and said to get up so we could go! so i sprinted, put on some clothes got my stuff together and we left. us two and breezy all went and we met up with two other girls up there. the drive was long, i guess there were accidents and the one hour ride turned into two. it snowed 12 inches up there. but seriously, im from alaska and i know bad roads, these roads were not bad. there was barely any snow let alone ice on them and everyone was freaking out and going 5 miles an hour. i wanted to die. people in the states do not know how to drive. besides that the day was great. it was warm and sunny our and the snow was powedery. a perfect day for riding. but it came to an end like all good things do. we got in the car and headed back where the hour drive turned into two again because people still dont know how to drive... i showered, ate, went to the store, and did homework. now here i am recapping the best weekend ive had in a while. k bye.

pianos and a flute

2007-11-27T22:21:00.000-07:00

ive been home almost a week and things are already back to normal. currently i am in the basement of the school of music. i hear it can be kind of sketchy at night and my roommate didnt want to come over here and practice piano alone so i came along for the ride. there is a pleasant yet somewhat awkward blend of a christmas song on the piano, and deep song on the piano, and a fierce flute. despite how much i enjoy music. i dont think i could handle it being my major.

weve been getting in the christmas spirit around here. tomorrow is a christmas tree lighting (there is a giant one in the middle of campus). im really looking forward to it, you know since i missed the one at home and all. but i guess there will be hot chocolate and cookies, and who skips out on a free one of those. honestly. well so yesterday we moved all of the furniture in our living room around and it looks adorable. its so open and welcoming. we bought a fake tree and put it in the room and decorated it with lights and ornaments. we put fake garland, lights, and candycanes around our sliding balcony doors, and we put colored lights around our kitchen window. i must say though, i absolutely hate christmas lights. they worked, then they didnt work, we changed the fuse and everything and it came down to us going back to walmart, returning them, and restringing them. what a hassle. this week we intend on having a stocking making party since they are just to epensive to afford these days.

a lot of homework to look forward to. three six page essays all do on the same day next week. wooo. i plan on going snowboarding two or three times this weekend. thursday afternoon, friday, and sunday. thursday night is mine and jeremys joint birthday party. we are going to a pizza place called beau jos, i think thats how you spell it. it has the best pizza of anywhere, it might even beat home..... so yeah thatll be fun. saturday i have a training day for my trip to romania. i dont know exactly what a "training day" is but im sure ill find out when i get there. since it is like seven hours and all... but dont worry about me, ill still get the essays done, i always do.

well the person on the flute keeps messing up there scale and it makes me laugh everytime, i feel like a mean person. hopefully karissa will be done soon and we can go back and decorate some more and watch the movie elf.

i post some pictures.

k bye.

home sweet home

2007-11-25T13:51:00.000-07:00

i am so lame. i made this completly awesome blog that people actually read and yet i have abandoned it. i got carried away by other priorities, school, friends, the outdoors, and going home.

last week i went home. seeing my family was perfect and everything that i hoped for. i ate a TON and played a lot of guitar hero. it was sweet. although i must admit that i was real disappointed with the weather. honestly, rain in november? come on world. whats happening. so there was no snowboarding for me. and no sledding. hopefully by christmas. it was nice to see shay and a few others but im sure next break will be better when people actually go home. im really looking forward to that. it was my birthday on thursday, thanksgiving day, it was exciting. i got some giftcards to where i needed them, some tasty chocolate, a movie, and a snowboard bag. i was very happy.

thanksgiving was a whole other story in itself. we drove out to cooper landing in the worst weather possible. pouring rain and terrible wind. we barely made it. we got o the cabin and dropped some stuff off and then went down the road to my aunts house where we proceeded to get dinner ready. my cousin katie was there who i love to death and i was so excited to see her. aunt cissy, our new uncle, step uncle? im not quite sure what to call him, so ill just call him nick. he is amazing and i really like him a lot. then his daughter alex, and my dad and brother were all there, ohh and my mom. so it was cozy.

five minutes after we started cooking, katie and i had just started to cut potatoes, the power went out. it was still kind of light outside but it would be getting dark soon. we got out candles and lanterns. then we realized the water was off too. this made the night so eventful. nick got us buckets of water from the creek which we used to cook our food, wash our hands, and flush the toilet. we even boiled it and washed dishes in it. the it got dark and a million candles were lit around the house. dinner was complete. we had a wood stove going and we sat down to eat by candle light. surprisingly the food was the best thanksgiving food that i had ever had. everything was perfect and amazing. ahhh i cant even explain. after dinner and the long process of washing dishes we played the game apples to apples and finally the power came back on at about eleven.

overall being home was a lot of fun. the end of the trip was better than the beginning so i was kind of sad to leave but it is a joy to be back in colorado. when i walked in there were decorations everywhere from my roommate. it was a great surprise. and now she is home and i am happy. the end.

ill write more often i promise.

whole foods

2007-10-30T14:29:00.000-06:00

this is college life. going out somewhere to do homework yet you still end up not doing any homework. i mean i could, everyone else is. but there are just one too many distractions. especially at whole foods, the samples, the pizza, the sweet tea, mmmmmmm. today i feel like i accomplished some things. i attended an international chapel meeting because next week is international week at our school and i got to help plan the chapel that will be going on. so that was pretty exciting. i also met with my ldc advisor planned my classes for next semester, talked about study abroad, and declared a major. my current (definitly not saying this wont change) is global studies with a minor in youth ministry. i am so happy about this choice since these are the two things that probably interest me more than anything else ive been learning about, culture and kids. so now i will get back to my whole foods appetite. maybe ill take a break fromt he work i havent started yet and go buy some deliscious pumpkin almond granola. mmmmm.

let it snow let it snow let it snow

2007-10-21T12:09:00.000-06:00

the leaves they are a changin

2007-10-10T11:19:00.000-06:00

so much has been going on i feel like i havent been able to keep up. two weekends ago i went to south dakota with some friends. that was really fun. then i got sick that week so that was no fun. the next weekend my dad came down here and we went and did stuff in boulder as well as drove up through the mountains which was really cool because i love long drives like that but no one here seems to. this week and the next couple weeks are going to be way busy. today i just took a test for my early christian lit test which i studied for like crazy. tomorrow i have a six pge essay due and then next week i have to have a six minute informative speech. on top of that i have three other midterm exams. lets just says its been a little crazy so i need some slack when it comes to writing on here for the next couple weeks.

besides that it is fall here. its starting to get cooler and the leaves are changing colors. everyday is more beautiful than the one before. it is perfect here and i love it. well time for class. ill figure all of this out later. peace.

2007-09-25T12:54:00.000-06:00

i havent written in while. i feel it is because nothing is going on here, or maybe just too much is going on here. all i know is that the last week has been crazy and i cant even explain it.

the last two days have been so cold. im sure they were in the fifties but to me it felt colder. i was bundled up from head to toe while there were still girls in skirts and flip flops. everyone couldnt understand how on earth i was cold. "youre from alaska" they claimed. hello. that doesnt mean i dont get cold. especially me, i am one who is cold in the summer. all i can say is that the weather here is crazy. one day its storming and fourty and the next day its sunny and seventy. who knew colorado was so weird.

on another note. i had no idea how much people get excitd over halo. last night i got to experince friends who purchased halo three the minute it came out and raced home to play it. it was a pretty exciting event to witness. the game came in a huge box. one would think that for a game it would come in a little dvd cover but no this one hundred and fourty dollar game came in a enormous box. once it was opened we knew why. our friend pulled out a life sive helmet that the characters in the game wear. granted you couldnt wear the helmet, but it came with a stand so that it could be displayed to everyone. it was crazy stuff. ohhhhh and there was a fold out poster. cant forget that!

the cabin

2007-09-17T17:25:00.001-06:00

a paper i wrote for english that i thought my family would appreciate. a lot of the juicy details were left out because it had to only be a page and a half long.

As a child a two-hour car ride feels more like two weeks, but the time spent at our cabin was well worth it. I always got excited when we passed the general store on the side of the road because it meant we were almost there. Pulling in was bumpy and rough because the ground was covered in lots of rocks. As soon as my mom would turn off the car I would jump out and leap on to my old tire swing. My family had brought this tire up from the river to create this fun play toy that would keep me entertained for hours. As fun as it was, every time I got off I was always covered in black marks. As I swung on the tire swing by myself I felt a fairy. It was forested all around me with dead trees and moss everywhere. I could hear the river from up the hill where our log cabin was. The cool, bitter wind blew through my childish curls.
Once my mom had finished unpacking the car I would follow her inside. It was always chilly when you first walked in because no one had been there for a while, so my mom always immediately turned on the heater. Inside the cabin I took every step very lightly for fear of making the floor shake or creek too loudly. The furniture was rough and old, the carpet gray and faded, although one would expect that after fifty years. The kitchen and the living room were one area with a wood stove, a couch and coffee table, a VCR with antennas that stuck out like enormous bug feelers, a table and a moveable island with a cutting board on top. The kitchen had high cupboards where old, and I mean old, food mixes are displayed, originally to keep our aging great grandfather from eating them, but now just for show. This was all the cabin consisted of for a number of years until it was built on to with a hallways, bathroom, and bedroom.
Outside of the bathroom in the hallway was a full size bed that I claimed to be mine. I loved this bed with a passion. I would jump into it and sink so deeply like falling into a pool of feathers, although it probably felt this way because it was so old.
Though I was crazy about my tire swing and bed, the river was my favorite. Just a short walk down hill led to a beautiful view of the huge mountain across the river where on certain days you could spot flocks of mountain goats with binoculars. The river had a rock beach where my brother and I would spend hours searching for flat rocks and teaching ourselves to skip them. If we were lucky we got to go down to the cabin in late August-early September. This was fish season, which to us meant finding dead fish washed up on the banks. As gruesome as this sounds, we would find sticks and walk up and down the beach poking at every fish that we could find. If their eyes were still there we would poke at them until they gushed and oozed. This event was definitely the highlight of the trip.
One time, when I was very young, my grandma came down to the cabin with us. As a girl she had come here often so she knew all of the “secret places”. One cool afternoon, we strolled down the river to a place she called the “fairy trail”. She took me to a creek that ran through it and told me that if you waited and watched very quietly you could catch a glimpse of fairies splashing in the water. Each time I return to the sacred spot, I always take the time to sit and wait a while searching for these creatures but I have yet to spot one. Someday I will though, I know it.
Every year we go there fewer and fewer times. Each time it remains exactly the same, the furniture doesn’t move, the food on the shelf doesn’t change, and my bed is still as comfortable. Each year though I change, but coming back to this magical place always reminds me of who I am and where I came from.

mama and papa

2007-09-15T15:30:00.003-06:00

heres for mom and dad, who dont have facebook so they cant see all the pictures of whats going on in my life and who ive met.

jesus saves

2007-09-15T10:53:00.001-06:00

ive been struggling to write for a while but so much has been going on in my life, bad and good. i just wanted to take the time out of today to write about my experience the other night. friday night a group of about 50 of us gathered at school to go downtown to do the fatboys ministry program. which is where you pretty much bring food and clothes and talk with homeless people. our older friend told us to take off all of our jewelry, all of our makeup, and wear baggy clothes. we met together at the ministry house and divided up into groups by which route we wanted to go on. there were shorter ones, ones where you go into shelters, ones where you go to the heat grates, and so on. me and my two other friend decided to go on the jesus saves route which i guess is the more difficult one. jesus saves is a mission in downtown denver that feeds and gives homeless people a place to stay at night. but after they fill up many homeless people are left outside. we took the vans downtown and we started on our way. we walked for about twenty minutes until we finally got there. our group had about fifteen people so we decided to split up into two groups so it wasnt so overwhelming. when we arrived there we had to stay with a guy so i was with this boy V who is a year older than me, pretty big and protective looking so i guess you could say it was alright.

the first couple people we talked to were pretty friendly. we gave them some food and olnly talked to them for a short amount of time. it was easy to see that many of them were under the influence of drugs and alcohol but i still felt compassion over them. we walked around the corner to where more of our group was. we saw this older man, with a walker, who we talked to for a good amount of time. he told us how he had injured his leg (it really did look like a bad leg). he told us it was from a bull riding accident. he told us how his wife had died in a drunk driving accident about ten years ago, and that one of his sons died in iraq about five months ago. he said he still had two other children though. it is so hard for these type of situations because you cant always tell if they are lying or not, but all you can do is show love to them nonetheless. this man, his name was david by the way, was older and a very slow speaker. it made me realize that i need to work a lot more on my patience. he spoke very slowly and i knew that he had more to say, even if he was quiet for a moment.

after that we headed back to the cars and met up with everyone else. that night was so moving. its definitly something i would like to go back and do again.

young life camp

2007-09-11T14:09:00.001-06:00

despite a terrible start to the weekend, it was probably the best one ive had since ive been here. all of our freshman class took buses three hours to buena vista where we stayed the weekend at a young life camp in the mountains. it was so beautiful there. I wont go into moment by moment details about the weekend but i must say i probably made some of the best friends while i was there. jasper, breezy, champ, and i got so close it was awesome. finally some people that i can create inside jokes with, i miss that. just hanging out with them in general was probably the highlight of my weekend. praying for each other, learning personal things, just getting closer was so awesome. the chapel this weekend was amazing. it was so great to be able to feel closer to god again. it is exactly what i needed. one of the other best parts of the weekend had to be the waterslide hands down. it was SO much fun. except for the cut i got from going down it with like ten other people. im so thankful that i had this weekend.

secret verse:

John 15:12-13 His command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this that he lay down his life for his friends.

that was from memory girls...

people

2007-09-05T20:11:00.000-06:00

tonight my brother reminded me that i have yet to write about any of the people ive met here. i write about events, and places, and things i do but i never mention any people. its about time.

kaylan is my direct roommate. i love her and i couldnt ask for anything more. shes so much fun and exactly like me. she plays soccer for the school and shes very talented and fast. she listens to the exact same music as me. we wear the same size clothes and have the same size feet. its perfect. she has bright blonde hair that i adore. we are so compatible and i love it. she is really encouraging and a great person to be around.

karissa and kait are my apartment roommates. they live approximatly ten feet away from me down our hall way. they are both music majors and very talented. both play the piano. they are fun girls to be around. kait just got a really neat tattoo that i really like. karissa is a down to earth girl.

Louisa is my RA and Amy is my Chaplin. They are both sisters that look so much alike that they could be twins but louisa is the older one. they are both so much fun and have a great sense of humor. i love having them around. amy has the best laugh i have ever heard. they are both runners and very outgoing, always up for doing something new and fun.

The girls in the apartment next to us seem nice. I havent taken a lot of time to get to know them though. Averill is from new hampshire. i really like her. but other than that i dont know too much about those girls but hopefully over the course of the year i will get to know them much better,

The girls in the apartment below me are my absolute favorite. Theres Breezy, Kyra, Jessica, and Sarah. Breezy is from south dakota and i think has three or four older brothers who go here. We all went bowling the other night and that was lots of fun. Breezy and i won a bet so we should be expecting some blueberry muffins pretty soon. Kyra is from illinois and so outgoing. she has a loud personality that i love and a distinguished accent. she always has to be doing something and her all time favorite thing to do is play in the rain. i love that about her. Jessica and Sarah both play tennis. Jessica is great. She looks exactly like mischa barton im convinced. sarah is probably one of the funniest people in our stairwell. i havent gotten to know her too well but she seems like fun. i do feel bad for her having to work at starbucks at four in the morning. i love going into this apartment. the oc is always on.

Austin and Teddy are the two guys ive been around the most since ive been here. mostly because of sniagrab i have gotten to know them pretty well. they are both soccer players and looked absolutly rediculous when they had to shave their heads all awkwardly because they were freshman. they both are very unique and genuine boys that i love to be around. i hope i get to be closer with them over the year.

mike is from nome, alaska. finally someone that i can share something in common with, although i have never been to nome. its actually kind of funny because we know a lot of people in common from up there. he and austin have been teaching kaylan and i to longboard which is the most fun thing ever.

since ive been here ive met a lot of people but i havent been here long enough to really get to know people. i think the next month will be really good for settling in and getting to know people. im really looking forward to it.

hiking

2007-09-03T17:06:00.000-06:00

today a group of girls from my stairwell drove up to st marys glacier, although i would in no way even begin to call it a glacier. haha. along the way we ran into some firemen who were offering free hot dogs for donations into their boot. so we got some tasty food and some quality time with firemen. i love them. we drove the rest of the way up to the trailhead. we started hiking up. it was kind of hard because it was pretty steep and there was no real trail. just lots of big loose rocks. we finally made it to the lower summit. it was so beautiful. there was a little clear lake, pretty trees, and a cute bridge. we watched some people jump off of the rocks into the lake. it looked like fun. we decided to go up further to reach the upper summit. that climb was a lot harder and steeper. for me the alaskan, elevation zero, i wanted to die. my lungs hurt so bad and i felt so light headed. we stopped for a minute to see these huge storm clouds coming in as well as thunder. we decided it would probably be a good idea to turn around. the thunder got closer and it started to rain. when we were almost to the lower summit it started to pour rain and the lightening was right over us. it was terrifying. it made the popping sound and echoed off of the mountain walls. we started running down the mountain and it started to hail. the hail was so thick you could barely see and it was so incredibly painful. there was no tree covering so we ran most of the way to the bottem for fifteen more minutes while we were underneath the lightening and getting peltd by hail. we finally made it to the car. safe and wet.

our apartment

2007-09-02T17:07:00.000-06:00

sniagrab

2007-08-30T12:55:00.000-06:00

things are good. really good. they are getting better. besides the class work load, but ill get used to it. this week is the most fun. you wouldnt believe what weve been doing. its sweet. thats all for now. ill leave you with one word "sniagrab". peace.

monday.

2007-08-27T19:37:00.000-06:00

i woke up at seven and even though i didnt have to get up until eight thirty i couldnt fall back asleep. lame. today was my first day of classes and i was a little nervous. leaving my stairwell i found a girl that had the same class as me and we walked there together. when i got there i found a few other people i knew so it wasnt so bad. thats the joy of going to a small school. my first class was early christian literature. my teacher is this funny little korean guy who seems very friendly. the class seems like it could be hard. lots of reading. the whole curriculum pretty much revolves around reading the new testament and keeping a journal about it, followed up by in class discussions. after that i went back to the apartment for a break and then went to lunch with my roommate. the next class i went to on my own but found one girl i knew in it from my stairwell too. the class is oral communication and it has a lot of upper classmen in it. during this class period we didnt go over mcuh but we all got the chance to stand up and speak in front of the class by playing the game two truths and a lie (which the teacher called "false" lying is bad of course). that class got out a little early so i took the time to sit on a bench by myself in the sun and called my family. my roommate kaylan met up with me cause we had the next class together. it was our freshman integration class which was great. today we just did an activity with blindfolds and leading each other and stuff along those lines. it was a great trust building and getting to know each other class session.

after classes got out i went to the library to make copies of a book i needed only to find out i had no idea how to work a huge copy machine. i called my mom asking her why she hadnt taught me this important skill before leaving for school. i finally figured it out but it took forever and it didnt even give me my change back.

i came back to the apartment tired from my long day. i checked my school email where there was an urgent one from one of my advisors telling me that i needed to switch out of my freshman integration class asap because the one i was in is for people who are living in two of the learning communities. stressed out and tired i switched back into my original one god moving around the world. tonight has been exhausting and i am even more homesick. we finally got a new couch cover though so we are able to sit on it instead of the nasty coushins thanks goodness.

the first weekend.

2007-08-26T01:34:00.000-06:00

sooo my first night here was terrifying. there was an enormous thunder and lightening storm right over us at about two in the morning. it woke my roommate and i up and we sat and watched it for quite a while. the parking lot started to flood. it was intense lightening and the next morning i heard that it had struck a nearby house and caught it on fire. scary! so to say, i didnt sleep well my first night.

yesterday was pretty fun. went to a chapel service and then i went bathroom shopping with my roommate. our apartment is so cute. we had an information mandatory rules meeting that afternoon. that night i had to say bye to my mom which was really hard. we ate dinner on campus and she walked me back to my room. she gave me all of her last words of wisdom and then she left. i cried for a minute. it was hard. right after that we made a walmart run which cheered me up. we came back and tye-dyed some teeshirts for our intermural sports teams and we also made brownies. that night we attended a "kool-aid" party at the boys dorm. it consisted of a ton of people outside the dorm, byoc (bring your own cup) and a huge garbage can full of kool-aid. the drinks were so sweet it made you sick but it was just such a funny event thinking of other college parties compared to our small christian school party, it was pretty neat.

today after waking up late my roommate and i walked over to a ministry fair and learned about all of the areas that we can get involved in off campus. im really looking towards one that works with young children. i think that would be a lot of fun. maybe intercity kids or something. from there we walked ten minutes down to a spanish baptist church. we were supposed to be painting the sanctuary but that had almost been finished by the group before us so instead we spent lots of time cleaning every inch of the kitchen. the work wasnt the most exciting thing out there but i know that it was very well appreciated.

tonight was the moonlight volleyball tournament. i live in "your moms house" so thats our theme. we all dressed up. we had our yellow tye dyed teeshirts that say YMH on the front and on the back of mine it says Mama Bond. that, with shorts, was covered by a robe, we put curlers in our hair and tied bandanas up, mom style of course. we put on mom makeup, some purple eye shadow and red lipstick, and the rest of our face was covered with a bright green face mask. pretty cute. after a long night of intense volleyball with the whole school dressed out in costume our team finally took third for the girls. i cut my knee up pretty badly on the sand but its all good.

im excited for tomorrow. im going to visit a new church, Red Rocks Church, and then my roommate is taking me back to her home where her mom is making dinner and we are going to go running at Garden of the Gods. im really excited about a home cooked meal. tonight im a little homesick. talking to seth made me really sad because he was sad. i talked to my dad today also and he sounded like he missed me a lot. i wonder when it is going to hit me that i am at college. there is no going home. not until thanksgiving atleast....

first night on my own

2007-08-24T00:22:00.001-06:00

today was packed with soooo much to do. i got up early this morning and started packing up all of the new stuff i bought here. there is a lot. i got to the school and went through with the registration stuff. after that i got all the stuff finally up into my room and met the other girls im living with. they are really sweet and it seems like it will be a lot of fun. i started unpacking my room. its so perfect and beautiful. the colors coordinate perfectly, pink & blue. we raised our beds up so they are about four feet in the air so we could slide our dressers under there along with some plastic drawers and containers. we put our desks at the end of our bed and then we put a tall metal shelf inbetween our beds to serve as a night stand. its so pretty.

i met up with my friend gillian today. its funny because we were really good friends up until we were about twelve and then we went to separate schools and didnt really talk anymore. then this summer i ran into her and we found out we were going to the same school. that was pretty neat. today was soo funny though. maybe you had to be here but here it goes anyway. we were walking and she tripped over a chord and had a pretty bad stumble infront of a group of new students. she got up, smiled, and said "hi im gillian" and walked away. hahah. it was pretty unforgettable.

the rest of the day was spent exploring, taking id pictures, listening to lectures, visiting a church fair and such. tonight we went to a banquet which was catered by the same company that caters to the denver broncos. it was pretty tasty. after, we came back here. i changed into sweatpants, of course, and started unpacking the rest of my clothes. we met down in our RA's room and got a chance to meet all of the other girls living in our stairwell. it was pretty fun. our RA's started off with the "new" rules. as of october first we are only allowed to take five minute showers because the hot water is too expensive here. boys are no longer aloud to sit on the couches or chairs. only the floor.... AND the flourescent lights in the room automatically shut off at ten pm.. in my head im thinking "what the heck am i going to do. there is NO way i can take a five minute shower" then i heard "just kidding" the sad thing was that every girl in the room really believed them. haha. next we took a suprise walk to the seven eleven where we were too lazy to wait for our turn to get slurpees so we just walked back. i got ready for bed and now i am preparing for my first night, away from home, on my own. wish me luck.

time to move on

2007-08-22T20:15:00.000-06:00

It's time to move on, time to get going
What lies ahead, I have no way of knowing
But under my feet, baby, grass is growing
It's time to move on, it's time to get going

Broken skyline, movin' through the airport
She's an honest defector
Conscientious objector
Now her own protector

Broken skyline, which way to love land
Which way to something better
Which way to forgiveness
Which way do I go

Time to move on, time to get going
What lies ahead, I have no way of knowing
But under my feet, baby, grass is growing
It's time to move on, it's time to get going

Sometime later, getting the words wrong
Wasting the meaning and losing the rhyme
Nauseous adrenaline
Like breakin' up a dogfight
Like a deer in the headlights
Frozen in real time
I'm losing my mind

It's time to move on, time to get going
What lies ahead, I have no way of knowing
But under my feet, baby, grass is growing
It's time to move on, it's time to get going

-tom petty

lakewhat?

2007-08-21T22:13:00.000-06:00

lakewood, colorado. my new home away from home. a suburb of denver and for an alaskan reference a ratio of muldoon to anchorage. its different here. the weather is hot, but dry, so its not too hard to handle. ive only seen chain restaurants here so i cant realy tell what the personality of the town is like. there is a church on almost every corner and there is ONLY starbucks coffee! sick. what am i going to do??

leaving home was one of the hardest things ive ever had to do. saying goodbye to my family and friends was terrible. after finally making it on the plane i sobbed for the first two hours of the flight until i finally fell asleep. i woke up miserable and tired. my face was splotchy and swollen. we got in and checked into our hotel early where i got to sleep for a few hours. when i woke up i didnt feel any better. later on mom and i went to target (our family tradition) and that made me feel a little better. i did some emotional shopping and spent lots of money on buying new things for my dorm.

i woke up today feeling better than the day before. we drove up to boulder and ate breakfast at my favorite restaurant in colorado called burnt toast. it is so wonderul. all of the food is organic, fresh, and tasty. i had bread, apples, and brie. only some of you will be able to understand my pure joy in being able to eat brie for breakfast. mmmmmmmmmmmm. we spent the day in boulder. its a great town. so relaxed and chill. like girdwood, but bigger. we ate dinner at olive garden and finally came back to the hotel full and content.

tomorrow morning im going to meet my roommate and see my new dorm. im nervous and excited. i cant believe its all really happening.