let it be let it be let it be let it be

so i didnt get to meet my refugee family today due to misinformation about addresses. i was so sad. i had been preparing for this all day. excited, nervous, so many feelings that i couldnt explain only to be let down. it was partially my fault i suppose. they sent me two addresses. one saying 401 and one saying 410 i guess i could have printed both off but i just didnt look at them that closely.

i am just disappointed. but more in myself. i hate letting people down and thats what i feel i did today. said i would be somewhere and didnt show up. and i know i may be being too hard on myself, this was just a simple mistake and there is nothing i could do about it. but i am just disappointed. today has been long and hard and depressing and i just wasnt ready for it.

i used to look at things through the perspective that if there is nothing you can do to change something than make the most of what youre given. i feel like i have lost that mentality. that it was something that came along with my innocence and youth, being able to find the joy in even the lowest points. i wish i could bring that back because recently i have found myself to be more pessimistic rather than the optimist we all knew and loved.

i guess its like what i said in my last entry. im just overwhelmed. im taking on so much stuff and maybe im just not ready for what im getting myself into.

looking back at what i just wrote made me sad. the majority of what i wrote was about me, what im feeling, why im upset, whats wrong with me. instead i need to be focusing not on myself but on things that are so much more important than whatare going on in my life. ive been blessed with so much and need to not take that for granted. to be thankful for what ive been given, and make the most of any situation, like what i once belived.