last night in bucuresti

after a long month this is it. my last day spent with the staff and in the orphanages. i wrote my letters, gave my devotion, and said my goodbyes. leaving one orphanage was so hard because there was a girl there who i became close with who just clung to me and would not let me go. she gave me a handkerchief we had made together so that i would "never forget her" she looked like she was about to cry and she kept asking for just one more hug and one more kiss over and over. i knew i had to be strong and not cry so that she wouldnt. i left her with one kiss and shut the gate behind me. she watched me walk away....

we had out final debriefing with some of the psychologists here. weve have been through a lot and have seen a lot and it can be a dramatic thing. i am fearful of going home and what it will be like. what my life will be like. how i will view things differently. they told us that when we go home we will want to judge the people around us on things we never observed before. we cant do that though. im so fearful of my mental state when returning home. i cant even imagine what it will be like after only a month in this foreign land.

saying goodbye to the staff was so hard. usually they never get attached to teams because people usually only come for a week. we are the longest group they have had stay. so saying goodbye today was not only hard for us but for them as well. a few of them stayed till late tonight just helping us clean and hanging out. saying bye they cried and we cried. i am going to be a deep emotional mess for the next twenty four hours of flying not counting how crazy my life will be for at least the next week. i really feel that i will just want to lock myself in my room and not talk to anyone and not come out and face reality again.

god has used me here. he has used all of us. i have seen images that will forever be burned into my mind and i have heard stories that have already changed my life. i havent yet begun to process any of these thoughts or else i would have been home a long time ago. people say that you wait till you go home to process everything and thats when it will be the hardest.

the images i have seen. the painful crying faces. the sounds of children screaming and the sounds of children laughing. the smell of the orphanage and the kids. the touch of them as they run and jump into their arms. the one little boy begging you to stay and kick the soccer ball with him just one time. these images will never leave me. never.

nuapte buna