and i dont want the world to see me cause i dont think that theyd understand

TERRIBLE TUESDAY.

this was and probably will be the worst day of the entire trip. nothing went right today. every bad thing that could happen did. i dont even know how to start. how about the beginning of the day.

one of our team members has been having some problems at home and with being homesick. i am not going to go into details about this terrible thing because some of you know her. i will leave it at that she had a mental breakdown/panic attack while on the metro. it was one of the worst things in the word i have ever witnessed. i guess romanians do not cry or act any way like this in public so many of them kept gathering around and asking what was wrong and even old women were doing hand motion crosses over her. that is the story with no detail. but trust me it was a terrible thing.

because of this we lost three members of our group and this morning we were going to a rehab/disabilities orphanage with mainly with kids with autism. there were only four or five of us going and they in no way properly prepared us for this experience. the first little while there was fine we were working with some of the kids on puzzles and such and then we (jamie and i and a staff member) were sent out into the playground to paint the kids faces. this is the part where we were not prepared... we get out there and there are about 25 kids with autism running around and crazy. we tried to keep them calm. there was just us three, another staff member from CTL and then about three teachers from the orphanage. Jamie and i tried to stay together because everyone else dispersed. One boy started slapping us with a stick very hard. we finally got him away. all of the kids wanted their faces painted and were swarming us and started hitting us because they didnt want to wait. one boy i guess had a fascination with jewelry and i had quite a few bracelets on. he grabbed for my livestrong bracelet and did not let go. he finally pulled so hard that in snapped in half off of my hand. those things are tough and dont break easily so you can only imagine how hard it was. a couple of the kids were spitting on jamie. another one tried to bite both of us. then a girl tried to pull out jamies hair. thats when she said im done. Flourina, one of the staff members saw us wrestling with all of this and told us to go outside of the play ground. mind you all of this was not happening at once but in about a 20 minute period. so its not like it was a mad attack or anything. and these kids were not little. many of them were large in size and much older than us. we finally got outside of the playground and just sat there speechless. we were both frustrated and overwhelmed. i have a strong respect for kids with autism and disabilities but i do not feel at all that it is an area i am called to. this was an experienced that has probably changed and scarred me for life. my viewpoint on what my capabilities are and what i can handle have changed drastically. i dont even know what to think about this situation. we talked with some of the staff and im sure we will talk about it in debriefing tonight and in our meeting tomorrow morning. it was a ridiculous experience.

to build on the day. we all met up for lunch, which made me sick. jamie and i were stressed and crying and just wanted to call it a day but we couldnt. from their we headed to the park. now this bad situation to come did not involve us but miscommunication with the staff. certain kids were supposed to be picked and people were waiting and some were late and people were upset so there was quite a bit of fighting between them today. from there we went to the park which was probably the only positive part of the day. i played soccer with this little boy and we had so much fun together. that was definitely the highlight.

now the bad part after that is we were trying to get home... when the metro broke. home was to far to walk or take any other transportation so we waited for sooooooo long until they finally set up another subway to take the frustrated people home in the other direction.

we walked in the front door and i immediately went upstairs and locked myself in the bathroom where i took a loooong shower and shaved my legs for the first time since ive been here.. haha bet you are all excited for me. it was starting to get a little intense so i thought it was about time. but i used my shower time to relax and not really think about today. all i know is that i want and need the biggest hug in the world and someones lap to lay my head in. where are you mom when i need you!